The C-Word Bracket
1 - The Karaoke Revue VS 16 - Kristin and Suzanne
1 - The Karaoke Revue VS 16 - Kristin and Suzanne
No contest here. The Revue has a strong showing over Kristin and Suzanne as they have never tried karaoke and suck at karaoke, respectively.
8 - Rich Keefe VS 9 - R Von D's "Mom Dance"
As strong as the Mom dance is when appropriately placed and timed, the 8 seed of Keefe holds on strong due to not only his movie quotability skills, but also his knowledge of all things UConn sports. Video, did not kill this radio star; Keefe takes round one.
As strong as the Mom dance is when appropriately placed and timed, the 8 seed of Keefe holds on strong due to not only his movie quotability skills, but also his knowledge of all things UConn sports. Video, did not kill this radio star; Keefe takes round one.
4 - The Vest aka Mr. Martini VS. 13 - Reverend Haley
The Vest beats out Haley in a strongly contested matchup of who is more now. As the Reverend has been spending up to 90 hours a week working in a glorified jail for minors, and no one sees him anymore, the Vest takes this one.
The Vest beats out Haley in a strongly contested matchup of who is more now. As the Reverend has been spending up to 90 hours a week working in a glorified jail for minors, and no one sees him anymore, the Vest takes this one.
5 - Franny VS. 12 - Dana
Franny is a man who always has a nice fresh pair of sneakers. This match-up came down to one factor. If the two were in the stands for a Nashua Hawks game circa 1996, who would be able to collect foul balls, and who would just bitch about how hot, cold,or bored she was? It was never a competition, Franny used to get a solid baker's dozen each game. Score one for the man in the clean shoes who hates children.
3 - Peeje The Steeje VS. 14 - Skinny Bartender from McGarvey's with glasses
"I have heard people say that "the smartest retard in the world is still a retard." By that sound Logic, the Steeje pulls way ahead of the Skinny Bartender From McGarvey's. Just because you're the best bartender amongst three of the worst, doesn't make you Now. Pounding Miller Lites and having a general dislike for most women does. Congratulations to the Steeje.
"I have heard people say that "the smartest retard in the world is still a retard." By that sound Logic, the Steeje pulls way ahead of the Skinny Bartender From McGarvey's. Just because you're the best bartender amongst three of the worst, doesn't make you Now. Pounding Miller Lites and having a general dislike for most women does. Congratulations to the Steeje.
6 - Hambone VS. 11 - A Bag of Dirt
The Bag of Dirt really gave Hambone a run for his money here, but Hambone’s ability to never shutup and to swing a softball bat exactly like “Big” Cecil Fielder give him the edge over an inanimate object. The Bag of Dirt also lacks the ability of supplying every underage kid of the Southern NH region with alcohol. Congratulations, Hambone and please do not put an age maximum in place for Wilkapalooza.
The Bag of Dirt really gave Hambone a run for his money here, but Hambone’s ability to never shutup and to swing a softball bat exactly like “Big” Cecil Fielder give him the edge over an inanimate object. The Bag of Dirt also lacks the ability of supplying every underage kid of the Southern NH region with alcohol. Congratulations, Hambone and please do not put an age maximum in place for Wilkapalooza.
7 - Conor VS 11 -Shoeless Girls at the Buffet
No upset here. The King of Manchester moves on to Round Two. This matchup came down to a simple blood test. The Shoeless Girls' tests came back with Hepatitis A, B, and C, Gout, and a bacteria strain found only in baboons. Conor wasn't immaculate, but at least his shit could be taken care of with common antibiotics.
No upset here. The King of Manchester moves on to Round Two. This matchup came down to a simple blood test. The Shoeless Girls' tests came back with Hepatitis A, B, and C, Gout, and a bacteria strain found only in baboons. Conor wasn't immaculate, but at least his shit could be taken care of with common antibiotics.
2 - Dougie from Curtis Knight Entertainment VS. 15 - Margaritas Nashua Bar Staff
The Who’s Now judges have some serious respect for the ability to take a mai tai glass to the face here. We also have no respect for the inability to recognize a thirsty chubby white man sitting at a bar for 20 minutes with a ten dollar bill in his hand fiending for a tall cool Budweiser. Also, "futbol" jerseys don't make you look clever and we would be willing to bet that they don't know what team's jersey you are wearing.
The Who’s Now judges have some serious respect for the ability to take a mai tai glass to the face here. We also have no respect for the inability to recognize a thirsty chubby white man sitting at a bar for 20 minutes with a ten dollar bill in his hand fiending for a tall cool Budweiser. Also, "futbol" jerseys don't make you look clever and we would be willing to bet that they don't know what team's jersey you are wearing.
Car RamRod Bracket
1 - Matt Evelyn + Chuck Terry VS. 16 - Nashua Garden's General
Huge upset as the General takes down Matt and Chuck. For one, the General has been more consistent over a 20-year period by being able to stack over twelve pint glasses without dropping a single one and by being angry at Boston sports teams for so long. Secondly, anybody who lives in New Hampshire will tell you that there has never been a "Now" black person in the history of the state.
1 - Matt Evelyn + Chuck Terry VS. 16 - Nashua Garden's General
Huge upset as the General takes down Matt and Chuck. For one, the General has been more consistent over a 20-year period by being able to stack over twelve pint glasses without dropping a single one and by being angry at Boston sports teams for so long. Secondly, anybody who lives in New Hampshire will tell you that there has never been a "Now" black person in the history of the state.
8 - Bonnette VS. 9 - Notini
Both live in Boston. Both are gainfully employed. Both live in the same house. However, Notini is frighteningly large (think Balco big), has red hair, and has probably killed a man, and not just emotionally killed somebody like we've seen Bonnette do countless times,, but ACTUALLY killed somebody. We hope Notini goes deep into this competition so we don't have to get fitted for cement loafers.
Both live in Boston. Both are gainfully employed. Both live in the same house. However, Notini is frighteningly large (think Balco big), has red hair, and has probably killed a man, and not just emotionally killed somebody like we've seen Bonnette do countless times,, but ACTUALLY killed somebody. We hope Notini goes deep into this competition so we don't have to get fitted for cement loafers.
4 - RBoosk VS. 13 - Devin
Put simply, RBoosk has left his cushy Hollis life to "be all that he can be" as an officer in the United States Army. Devin...not so much. In our first battle of brothers, RBoosk runs away with a first round win.
Put simply, RBoosk has left his cushy Hollis life to "be all that he can be" as an officer in the United States Army. Devin...not so much. In our first battle of brothers, RBoosk runs away with a first round win.
5 - Annie VS. 12 - New Hampshire Bar Association
While we love the human human catastrophe that is Annie, we feel that this matchup was both unavoidable and inevitable. The logic here is that the NH Bar Association was going to beat her down eventually, so we'd soften the blow by preparing her early.
While we love the human human catastrophe that is Annie, we feel that this matchup was both unavoidable and inevitable. The logic here is that the NH Bar Association was going to beat her down eventually, so we'd soften the blow by preparing her early.
3 - BKenn VS. 14 - Johnny ChanChan
Johnny owns BKenn due to the simple fact that BKenn can not drink one of Johnny's Death Codders. On the other hand, Chan would be out of business today, selling bootleg copies of "Titanic" on the streets of Shaolin if the Brian and Ryan Karaoke Revue didn't take the buffet by storm. Maybe a couple rounds on the house Johnny and you'd stand a chance.
Johnny owns BKenn due to the simple fact that BKenn can not drink one of Johnny's Death Codders. On the other hand, Chan would be out of business today, selling bootleg copies of "Titanic" on the streets of Shaolin if the Brian and Ryan Karaoke Revue didn't take the buffet by storm. Maybe a couple rounds on the house Johnny and you'd stand a chance.
6 - Heff VS. 11 - Hefe
Oil tankers, croakies, and waspiness are not enough to push Heff through to the next round. Maybe if he went all Hazelton and crashed one into an iceberg that would have made some noise in the competition. But alas, we at the PEN15 CLUB are all about Billy Idol, Miller Chill, hate, and dive bars NOT Bob Marley, Corona, feelin' irie, and Martha's Vineyard. Nice work, Hefe.
Oil tankers, croakies, and waspiness are not enough to push Heff through to the next round. Maybe if he went all Hazelton and crashed one into an iceberg that would have made some noise in the competition. But alas, we at the PEN15 CLUB are all about Billy Idol, Miller Chill, hate, and dive bars NOT Bob Marley, Corona, feelin' irie, and Martha's Vineyard. Nice work, Hefe.
7 - Little Greg VS. 10 - Brownie
Little Greg has never taken us to a Red Sox game. His girlfriend is on the medical staff of the team and sees literally EVERY home game...she has gone to no less than six games with Greg's tickets. Is that "Now"? No, it isn't. Brownie, however, does not win this round by that fact alone. We appreciate him for his dislike for most things, his ability to ruin every drinking game, and for coining the phrase "the hotter the girl, the more she sucks." In our "bros before hos" mindset, this matchup has a one-way ticket to Brown-town.
Little Greg has never taken us to a Red Sox game. His girlfriend is on the medical staff of the team and sees literally EVERY home game...she has gone to no less than six games with Greg's tickets. Is that "Now"? No, it isn't. Brownie, however, does not win this round by that fact alone. We appreciate him for his dislike for most things, his ability to ruin every drinking game, and for coining the phrase "the hotter the girl, the more she sucks." In our "bros before hos" mindset, this matchup has a one-way ticket to Brown-town.
2 - Dom VS. 15 - Fat Joe
This is an interesting match up of two brothers going in opposite directions. Fat Joe has lost about 80 pounds, while Dom is able to eat 80 pounds of hot dogs in one sitting. Fat Joe sits at the YMCA, white the Domn8rx pimps out his insurance services on a daily basis. Domn8rx takes it based on his ability to work a karaoke crowd and because he is the successor to the Revue.
4 comments:
I never had a chance against the top wop... Im going to trade the lezzie in for an IROC with t-tops in preparation for next years seeding, or the high likelihood that there is a who's now NIT/Motor City Bowl/Losers Bracket.
the mom dance is a tough draw let's face it. but i'm in it to win it. upsets happen every year in the tourny. doesn't look good in the next round. rocky did beat drago... let's not forget that.
MOTION FOR RECONSIDERATION: Filing party requests that this motion be set for hearing on a date and time certain. This motion is based on the declaration below and is made pursuant to Pen15Club Rules of Procedure.
1.) I am the Movant.
2.) The following are facts why the Motion should be granted:
I have been reading self-help books and studying real hard. With any luck, I will be able to pass the NH Bar Examination in less than one short year. Additionally, I still have one more year of law school to get my act together.
I declare under penalty of law that what I have stated is true and correct.
i told you guys i was going to bring you guys to a game. and no she does not see every home game. next game i have you guys are going. better seed me better next season.
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