I'm here to follow up Senor Von D's Brain Droppings with some Brain Diarrhea. I just have a lot of feelings (inside Mean Girls joke.)
-I read a statistic on the internet today, so it must be true. 73 current National Football League players have a DUI on their driving record. I think the only industries where this ratio is higher are probably the Arena Football League or MBTA operators.
-Has anyone else noticed that all of the music that MLB Network uses during their commercials or highlight packages is that weird pop-rock music that probably started on WBCN but ended up on Kiss 108? Blink 182. Taking Back Sunday. The Offspring. Sum 41. The Ataris. All-American Rejects. You get the idea.
-Speaking of music, I still like the Paris Hilton epic ballad "Stars are Blind." Seriously. Listen to this song and pretend it isn't sung by Paris Hilton and I bet you'll enjoy it. That or watch the music video and have the knowledge that you and I scab it up to the same material. Wink.
-People like Cal Ripken, Lance Armstrong, Jon Lester and Zack Greinke are probably inspirational to most people. They just make me feel bad about myself.
-Every evening on Baseball Tonight, I have to hear about the "unwritten rules" of Major League Baseball whenever someone gets hit by a pitch. I wonder if anyone else at my place of employment ever thinks about the "unwritten rules" of the office. Here's a quick rundown: do not take standy pees in the stalls, do not bring up my karaoke in front of management types, do not view my facebook pictures at your desk during working business hours, don't steal my parking space even if you are there before me, don't steal my activia digestive assistance yogurt out of the refridgerator, and certainly do not point out my carbon footprint to coworkers when i am printing off 15 pages from si.com to take to the bathroom with me for quality time.
-I think Google Latitude might be (at the same time) the single greatest and worst innovation of the new millenium. The fact that I can track my tech-conscious friends' movements through their Blackberry phones and a simple web application makes me so happy. However, the possibility that some douche from a ritzy Metro West suburb will now be caught on his (previously secret) bi-annual shemale fiesta to southeast Asia when he says he is at Red Sox Spring Training should really lead to some interesting life conversations between husband and wife.
-My mini-review of Terminator Salvation: The film equivalent of getting a lapdance from a talkative but wildly attractive stripper who has a speech impediment. If you somehow snuck ear plugs into the "session," you are going to leave happy. But if you are forced to listen to what they have to say, it probably was 5 hours' pay poorly spent.
Enjoy,
Der Fridgessar
PS - RvD and I will be bringing our updated Bucket Lists to the masses of our readership within the next few weeks. Keep your eyes and private parts peeled.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
RVonD's Brain Droppings
Having been instructed by my long-time friend Keefe to "just friggin'write something" I figured I would give you all a couple minutes of my time today and let you know what time it is.
In our conversation that eventually gave birth to this blog, I commended Keefer that his blog, The Sports Brief, was actually coming along nicely and I genuinely enjoyed his posts about sports, moreover his thoughts on the world of Mixed Martial Arts. He then scolded me for not having anything down save for a couple things over the past few months and lamented the fact the he saw the names "Fridge," "K-Rock," and "The C" on several milk cartons throughout the greater New England area.
Asking for advice, the sage-like Keefe pretty much told me to get my head out of my ass and stop trying to hit homers with every post, and simply just get something for the people to see. Well I've eaten the spoonful of wisdom, broken it down with my stomach acids, passed it through both the large and small intestines, and crapped it out, and this is what I have to show for it.
Some brain farts for you:
- Everybody who wears a cell phone on their belt should be systematically put out to pasture.
-This may be one of the greatest viral videos I have ever seen. The Russian Star Wars Kid:
-June 6th is National "Listen to Slayer Day" and I plan on taking full advantage.
-Manofest.com is quickly becoming the best site on the internet for sophomoric humor. Just take a look at this: http://manofest.com/index.php?option=com_myblog&show=20-FAT-PEOPLE-DRESSED-AS-SUPERHEROES.html&Itemid=1
An entire gallery of fat people dressed as superheroes. Just awesome. And no, none of the people in the Spider-Man costumes are me, you fuckin' dicks.
-Recently, I have been sporadically taking my prescribed medication. Those who are closest to me have noted the change in my mood. Some have voiced some concern over the fact that I become so quickly agitated, but most of the people I spend time with find it hilarious. Like when I get drunk and throw limes at the house across the street or try to hit a potato off of a golf tee.
-I will turn 28 in a month, and I have finally found an appreciation for KISS. Ironically, it was after the American Idol finale that I said "Shit, those guys ARE pretty good."
-Remember when I had that job to throw batting practice for the Pawtucket Red Sox and be a low-level scout? I really biffed that one didn't I? Thanks Boston Phoenix.
- After some time off, I am slowly regaining momentum as one of the greatest karaoke acts in the Northeast, the turning point for which came when I sang Iron Maiden in front of a room full of people and actually hit the high notes.
-I owe K-Rock twenty dollars for eating twenty dollars worth of taco bell in under an hour. Technically he won the bet, but did he really? I also plan on paying him with ten checks for 2.00
-My father is starting to look like Tom Hanks. Or Tom Hanks is starting to look like my father...seriously.
- I recently decided that I hate everything having to do with American Media. From CNN to ESPN even to celebrity Blogs, I seriously think this country is in the shitter. And the fact that everybody who lives here is completely oblivious to what is going on around them makes it even more sad. Moreover we are raising a nation of fat, mediocre, assholes with no sense of duty or loyalty to anything but McDonald's and low everyday prices. Next Stop: Serioustown...all aboard.
AND LASTLY,
-Fridge has lost so much weight that he can no longer call himself "The Fridge". Please, if you know this man and see him on the street, please refer to him as "Bobby Light" from now on.
Good night, and good luck
-Ricardo Von Dangerous
In our conversation that eventually gave birth to this blog, I commended Keefer that his blog, The Sports Brief, was actually coming along nicely and I genuinely enjoyed his posts about sports, moreover his thoughts on the world of Mixed Martial Arts. He then scolded me for not having anything down save for a couple things over the past few months and lamented the fact the he saw the names "Fridge," "K-Rock," and "The C" on several milk cartons throughout the greater New England area.
Asking for advice, the sage-like Keefe pretty much told me to get my head out of my ass and stop trying to hit homers with every post, and simply just get something for the people to see. Well I've eaten the spoonful of wisdom, broken it down with my stomach acids, passed it through both the large and small intestines, and crapped it out, and this is what I have to show for it.
Some brain farts for you:
- Everybody who wears a cell phone on their belt should be systematically put out to pasture.
-This may be one of the greatest viral videos I have ever seen. The Russian Star Wars Kid:
-June 6th is National "Listen to Slayer Day" and I plan on taking full advantage.
-Manofest.com is quickly becoming the best site on the internet for sophomoric humor. Just take a look at this: http://manofest.com/index.php?option=com_myblog&show=20-FAT-PEOPLE-DRESSED-AS-SUPERHEROES.html&Itemid=1
An entire gallery of fat people dressed as superheroes. Just awesome. And no, none of the people in the Spider-Man costumes are me, you fuckin' dicks.
-Recently, I have been sporadically taking my prescribed medication. Those who are closest to me have noted the change in my mood. Some have voiced some concern over the fact that I become so quickly agitated, but most of the people I spend time with find it hilarious. Like when I get drunk and throw limes at the house across the street or try to hit a potato off of a golf tee.
-I will turn 28 in a month, and I have finally found an appreciation for KISS. Ironically, it was after the American Idol finale that I said "Shit, those guys ARE pretty good."
-Remember when I had that job to throw batting practice for the Pawtucket Red Sox and be a low-level scout? I really biffed that one didn't I? Thanks Boston Phoenix.
- After some time off, I am slowly regaining momentum as one of the greatest karaoke acts in the Northeast, the turning point for which came when I sang Iron Maiden in front of a room full of people and actually hit the high notes.
-I owe K-Rock twenty dollars for eating twenty dollars worth of taco bell in under an hour. Technically he won the bet, but did he really? I also plan on paying him with ten checks for 2.00
-My father is starting to look like Tom Hanks. Or Tom Hanks is starting to look like my father...seriously.
- I recently decided that I hate everything having to do with American Media. From CNN to ESPN even to celebrity Blogs, I seriously think this country is in the shitter. And the fact that everybody who lives here is completely oblivious to what is going on around them makes it even more sad. Moreover we are raising a nation of fat, mediocre, assholes with no sense of duty or loyalty to anything but McDonald's and low everyday prices. Next Stop: Serioustown...all aboard.
AND LASTLY,
-Fridge has lost so much weight that he can no longer call himself "The Fridge". Please, if you know this man and see him on the street, please refer to him as "Bobby Light" from now on.
Good night, and good luck
-Ricardo Von Dangerous
Friday, May 8, 2009
Wow...how about this? *UPDATE*
You'll watch the whole thing, I promise... because every time semen is "recycled" an internet star is born.
Couldn't resist:
Couldn't resist:
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