A Brief Rundown of the Combatants

By popular demand, we will now give a rundown of the "Who's Now" contestants so that all may privy to the voting process and hopefully the winners and losers will spark some discussions on our comment board.

THE KARAOKE REVUE
Established in 2005 as one of southern New Hampshire's greatest live acts, the Karaoke Revue has been creaming jeans and rocking faces for over 2 years and has no plans on stopping. Also has a loyal and freakishly devoted fan base in two of New Hampshire's biggest cities.

KRISTIN AND SUZANNE
Recent college graduates. Both have steady jobs and even steadier boyfriends yet remain avid Revue fans and both play major roles in Nashua's greatest Trivia Night team: Dog in a Bathtub.

DOUGIE FROM CURTIS KNIGHT ENTERTAINMENT
Dougie, who has proven himself in a short time to be New Hampshire's greatest karaoke DJ, is also the only person ever to successfully sing both a Linkin Park song AND an AC/DC song successfully in one night of karaoke. Thoroughly enjoys being smashed in the head with small mai tai glasses.

MARGARITAS' BAR STAFF
At one of Nashua's premier watering holes, these people keep your drinks cold and your free tortilla chips hot. They also wear soccer jerseys to make themselves look...Mexican?

PEEJE THE STEEJE
Older brother to R Von D, Peeje the Steeje has for over twenty years ran the streets of Nashua with unmatched power and grace. The Steeje also has the ability to drink people under the table and then yell at nobody in particular in the middle of Main St. All this while raising a two-year-old.

SKINNY BARTENDER FROM McGARVEY'S WITH THE GLASSES
The best bartender in arguably the worst bar on Earth. If you want a drink at McGarvey's, you'd better find this lovely lady. We also enjoy her large ears and hiked up black jeans.

THE VEST aka MR. MARTINI
Before the Revue, there was Mr. Martini. On any given night you can see him singing the night away with such standards as "Zoot Suit Riot" and the ever-creepy "Obsession" with his own sister.

REVEREND HALEY
Having ordained himself into the Universal Life Church, the Rev has stayed a spiritual leader to Nashua inhabitants while also being one of it's biggest. at 6'4" and 300 pounds, the Reverend is a force to be reckoned with.

FRANNY
For twenty-five years, Franny has been on the sidelines for every single Nashua High School sporting event pacing back and forth giving every referee a hard time no matter how good of a job they are actually doing. He has also done this without the use of a single tooth.

DANA COMPLAIN-A
Portsmouth resident Dana has the largest collection of oversized sunglasses in the Northeast and earned her name by constantly bitching about everything in her life. She also is one of the hardest partiers in the Who's Now competition male or female. Dana is also known for spilling entire rum and cokes on people's white carpet.

Editors Note: Ironically, Dana complained about this description and told me it was an attack on her character.

HAMBONE
Aaron "Hambone" Wilkins can quote any movie, buy any amount of beer you tell him to, and can hit a slowly pitched softball out of a park ONLY IF it is pitched at his forehead. He is also hosting "Wilkipalooza" later this month (which the authors may or may not be welcome at, due to a possible age restriction.)

BAG OF DIRT
Cons: Can't buy us beer or quote movies like Hambone.

Pros: Can't buy us beer or quote movies like Hambone.

CONOR
The self-proclaimed "King of Manchester," Conor owns a highly controversial set of Affliction tshirts. When not driving his Audi TT around the Queen City during the spring and summer, Conor can be seen crashing his "winter car," an '88 Cutless Supreme into snobanks and trashcans alike. Has also dated Miss New Hampshire.

SHOELESS GIRLS AT THE GRAND BUFFET
Avid karaoke fans, the girls of the buffet like to dance around to such songs as "Black Velvet," "Before He Cheats," and "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy." These classy broads also like to leave 3/4 full Scorpion Bowls on their table for K-Rock and R Von D to drink (after flipping the straws of course). Fridge is an loyal fan of the above, especially those hailing from California with red hair.

KEEFE
Dunbarton, NH native Keefe was a finalist for the Real World as well as ESPN's "Dream Job" before tragically being voted off. He has his own radio show on WGAM in Nashua and, from what we hear, is the only program worth listening to. Also holds the distinction of being the only person alive to have a better career record against R Von D in Tekken Tag AND Tekken 4.

R VON D'S "MOM DANCE"
You ever seen somebody's mom dance at a wedding? That, but done by the one and only R Von D.

MATT AND CHUCK
If you've ever seen a young black man in Nashua, NH, it was probably one of these two.

THE GENERAL
Very clean. Works at the garden collecting used pint glasses to wash. Has an intimate knowledge of why every person on every Boston sports team sucks. Yells at televisions for no reason. Has interesting socks.

DOM
The heir apparent to the Karaoke Revue. Dom is the only person we know who can sing like Steve Perry AND the only person we know who has ever propositioned a young lady to be in a bukake video. Sweats profusely at inopportune moments and makes Fridge look skinny.

JOE
Dom's brother

FRIDGE
Nashua native who, at 24, is soon to be moving out of parents basement for the first time in his life. Holds more securities licenses (7, 24, 66) than he knows what to do with outside of padding a resume he is too lazy to send to any other companies. He aspires to one day have to wear suspenders to work and ask people to come in on Saturdays a la William Lumberg. Enjoys food, drink, and consumption in general to great excess. That, and he is one half of the greatest karaoke act on Earth.

JOHNNY CHAN
Head bartender at the illustrious Grand Buffet. Makes the greatest Long Island Iced Tea in the Northeast, and is the only bartender in Nashua who knows what a "Death Codder" is. Bonus points for having the Nashua Police on speed dial at the Buffet, especially when customers refuse to buy alcoholic beverages for such reasons as .. oh .. say being the designated driver.

RBOOSK
Newly assigned officer in the United States Army, RBoosk is one of Nashua's favorite sons. From his classic muscle cars that don't work, to his slew of vanity plates, RBoosk has always been a fan-favorite wherever he goes. Official designated driver of this entire slew of persons.

DEVIN
RBoosk's brother. Outdoor enthusiast and, like his brother, constant pain in the ass to his parents.

ANNE
Revue supporter and constant trainwreck, Annie has proven to be one of the best girls to party with of all time culminating with her appearance on CNN for a certain "racially charged" party thrown at her house, the Bunny Ranch.

THE NEW HAMPSHIRE BAR ASSOCIATION
Annie's nemesis.

HEFF
He loves to sail and loves to drink, and when he's at his best, he is doing both things simultaneously. Heff is also a crew member of oil tankers out of Alaska for a good chunk of the year. When on leave, you will find him scuba diving, kiting, and doing everything to enormous excess.

HEFE
With a large selection of hats and shirts without sleeves, Hefe is one of Manchester's supreme drinking companions. Inventor of such drinking moves as "the Walrus," Hefe certainly knows what to do when a Scorpion Bowl pitcher is laid out in front of him. He also elects to NEVER leave Manchester, but rather chooses to grace its' most horrific bars on a nightly basis.

LITTLE GREG
Little Greg has been in the "materials relocation" business since the ripe old age of fourteen and has no plans on stopping any time soon. He is famous for letting auto mechanics take him for every penny he has as well as never taking his closest friends to Red Sox games, for which he has season tickets. He also thinks Bob Dylan is "just the greatest."

BROWNTOWN
Professional terrain builder for Crotched Mountain and Inventory Specialist for Anheiser Busch, Browntown is living the dream. He likes beer and only laughs when other people have bad things happen to them. Dislikes most things.

NOTINI
With possible ties to the mafia, we were obligated to put Notini into "Who's Now" in fear of having what he lovingly called "an accident." Also the only Italian we know of who is a ginger.

BONNETTE
Loves parties and large pinatas shaped like male genitalia. In addition to love of all things sophomoric, Bonnette also owns a "Lesbaru" or "Carpet Cleaning Van" that he takes on his ski trips around the United States. Furthermore, he's the only person we know who has a real shot at getting married some day, unlike the rest of us. Creator of Nashua's finest tasting "CONSENT PUNCH."