The Stiller Effect

Being a man of discerning cinematic taste, I can tell you certain things that are as constant as gravity. First off, any movie produced by Jerry Bruckheimer and/or directed by Michael Bay will most certainly feature powerful symphonic music played over slow-moving wide pan shots (See: Pirates of the Carribean, Bad Boys I and II). On the same note, any John Woo movie will feature the protagonist holding two pistols, people being back to back with somebody, and shooting through walls (See: Face/Off, The Replacement Killers). However, these formulaic themes seem to pale in comparison to my favorite movie cliché: In every movie starring Ben Stiller, Mr. Stiller is ALWAYS paired with a funnier person in order to make him seem somewhat humorous. You want examples and proof? Let's ride.

Zoolander (2001):

This movie is arguably the single picture that Ben Stiller will be remembered for when he is dead and gone. Having seen this movie dozens of times and finding new things every time that I watch it, it is apparent to me that once you get over the novelty of "Blue Steel," "Le Tigre," and "Ferarri" all being the same thing, the movie would fall flat on its face if it weren't for the supporting cast. Furthermore, while some people might not realize this, "Zoolander" was made in the year 2001 and featured a then almost obscure Will Ferrell who absolutely stole the show in this movie. From his outrageous outfits, impeccable sense of comedic timing, and even the way he runs in the movie (also note how he throws that "M" Chinese star), Farrell overshadows everybody in the film. I will also be so bold as to say that Stiller's own father outdoes him in this movie as Maury Ballstein.

Along Came Polly (2004):

Anybody who saw this movie would argue that the film didn't need anybody funnier than Ben Stiller because the movie wasn't funny in the first place. However, if you've ever sat down and watched this piece of crap (I actually paid money to see it in the theater), you will undoubtedly notice that Philip Seymour Hoffman, who has proven himself to be one of the greatest American actors in some time, far surpasses Stiller in the realm of hilarity. Anybody who has seen this movie will undoubtedly tell you that the high-point of this film came at one of two moments. The first could come at any time the hilariously out-of-shape Hoffman is playing basketball shouting things like "LET IT RAIN!" or "ICEMAN!" Secondly, and my favorite, was Hoffman's "shart" at the high-class art opening. If you didn't laugh at that part of the movie, you're not human. Plain and simple.

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004):

To the untrained eye, one might think that "Dodgeball" was Vince Vaughn's movie. I would say that Vaughn's everyman Peter LaFleur was more of a straight-man than comedic genius. My argument would be that Rip Torn's portrayal of dodgeball legend Patches O'Houlihan absolutely stole the show. The first time I heard "If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball!" I almost peed a little. On that note, while he has become sort of a peon in all the rest of his movies, Justin Long takes hits to the face better than anybody I have seen in some time, better than most stuntmen. What makes this Stiller performance even more lame is the fact that he essentially plays the EXACT SAME character that he does in the movie "Heavyweights" which I deduct is the only exception to this rule I am so painstakingly describing.

(Also note, the character of Tony Perkis Sr. is the exact same as the "do it, do it" character from "Starsky and Hutch, which makes that movie inherently lame)

Meet the Parents/Fockers (2000/2004):

I never really liked either of these movies based solely on the fact that the movie revolves around the idea that Gaylord Focker's fiancée is a total bitch who constantly sets him up in front of the parents. Total bullshit. Still, Robert DiNiro, who in real life is probably the unfunniest person alive, still owns this movie. Think about it, how many times has somebody taken two fingers, pointed them directly at their own eyes, and then pointed them at your eyes with a menacing look on their face? Exactly.

Night at the Museum (2006):

Ricky Gervais is the funniest person on the planet. Period. End of story.

There's Something About Mary (1998):

Initially, I will point out that Ben Stillers man-juice is funnier than him in this movie, but that would be too easy. Ask the person next to you their favorite quotation from this movie and they will tell you one of two things. The first would be "Have you seen my baseball" and the other would most certainly be the one about Mary weighting "a deuce, deuce and a half." Go ahead, ask.

In closing I will remind all of you that there is a hilarious episode of the HBO show "Extras" in which the main character (Played by the aforementioned Ricky Gervais) confronts Ben Stiller about being a douche on a movie set, ending the conversation saying "bye, Nerd." Ben Stiller then goes on and on about how he's the man because he "made out with Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz, and smacked Jennifer Anniston on the butt," and then tries to convince everybody on the set that it "still counts." While this is probably just pointing out the larger-than-life personas that off-screen celebrities cling to, I can't help but feel that Ben Stiller really would pull that card if pressed.

Two fingers, one love

R Von D