While I was driving through Somerville, Massachusetts one sunny July afternoon, I realized the problem with this country. Incentives are misplaced. Poor people have no incentive to get jobs. Because of the welfare state that has slowly developed in this country thanks to my Uncle Ted Kennedy, poor people no longer are motivated nor energized to get jobs or educations. So when I saw a grizzled gentleman with a sign that said "I DON'T DEW DRUGS, PLEASE SPARE CHANGE FOR ME," I came up with an idea for a Tax Reform Bill that I hope both the state and federal government will consider. A very simple two step process follows:
Step 1 – Reversal of Tax Bracket Structure
No longer will the rich be taxed at 35%. The richest of rich people pay a grotesquely high proportion of the taxes. If we reversed the tax bracket structure, and these people only paid 14% of their income into taxes, there would be more incentive for the middle and lower classes to become rich. It's too simple. If 50% of the population were filthy rich, 14% of their income would be more than 35% of 2% of the current population's income. The poorest of poor people will be taxed at 35% from now on. They can clearly spare 35% of their income. Perhaps they should consider drinking RC Cola instead of Coca Cola, or Colt .45 instead of Steel Reserve.
Step 2 – The Boston Poor Party
In the spirit of the gallows from the 1700s, it's time for some good old fashioned public humiliation if you disobey my policies. A recent Boston Globe report noted that 2007 has seen an exponential increase in the Jellyfish population in Boston Harbor. I feel that this can be used to my/the United States' advantage. Any citizen not paying their percentage into Uncle Sam's Tax Coffers' will henceforth be pushed into Boston Harbor with their feet and hands tied behind their back. Any poor person who DOES pay their taxes will have the privilege of pushing non-payers into the Harbor. This goes back to my incentive system. All Americans are easily amused (see: Cable Guy, Larry the) and the opportunity to push another human being into polluted, jellyfish infested waters would be frigging fun.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Fridge (R-NH)
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