K-Rock's Premier -- Top 10 Jerseys

If I were a millionaire and didn't have shit to do with my life, I feel I would live the most simple life imaginable. First, I would live in a warm climate and sit next to a pool all day. Second, I would have a Tom Collins in my hand at ALL times. But third, I would have the most extensive collection of sports jerseys imaginable. Currently, I don't have the deepest bank account, so my jersey collection is somewhat limited, but let me tell you, the possibilities are endless. I currently spend much of my day on eBay and other websites dreaming of these fine collaborations of mesh and polyester. So, with my world premier, I'm going to make a Top 10 list of jerseys that I need to own. It is not going to be an exact top 10 though. I'm going to have the first five be jerseys that involve criminal activity/sports-related humor that myself, and a select number of people, find hilarious. The next five jerseys on the list are 5 jerseys that I would step over my own Mother in order to possess. If you don't think that these jerseys are the absolute tits, then eat a dick. Enjoy

Note: All of these jerseys will be Authentic, with letters and numbers sewn on, and not shipped in from Thailand from some shitty ebay store that would give you a number 32 Michael Jordan jersey or something like that, because fuck it, I'm rich and can afford it.

10. Carlton Dotson - Baylor University Basketball

Dotson is a man of many values. He loves his teammates, basketball, and the 2nd Amendment. I feel that this jersey would show how I feel about college athletes gunning down their teammates/good friends.

9. Pacman Jones - Tennessee Titans

This jersey, I believe, would be quite the steal. The Titans online store has stopped producing Pacman jerseys and I can not find one on a single online store (i.e. Eastbay, Dick's Sporting Goods, etc.). I have also heard rumors that if I were to place an order for a customized Titans jersey with "Jones 32" on the back, they would deny the request. If I tried to order one with "Make It Rain 32" they would start a Fire Sale on the United States similar to that seen in "Live Free or Die Hard." Basically, the Titans are trying to deny people such as myself the fun of having this jersey, so I feel it would be quite the acquisition.

8. Michael Vick/Ron Mexico - Atlanta Falcons

Once again, a jersey that the Falcons online store will not make for you if you request it. I have seen pictures of a few that must have been made quickly before the Falcons recieved word of the herpes. Although Mexico was acquitted in court, I would still love this jersey in order to pay tribute to the dog-fighting king of the east coast.

7. Rod Tidwell - Arizona Cardinals

Seeing as "Jerry Maguire" is in my Top 10 movies list(and I already own a Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn Cleveland Indians t-shirt), I thought this would be a good addition to the list. Tidwell was a solid possession reciever who was not afraid to go across the middle once Maguire called him a pussy. Also, I am a fan of the Arizona Cardinals present-day recieving corps, and despite how much I like him, I don't see Anquan Boldin making my top 5 must-haves.

6. Laurence "Koolaid" Maroney - New England Patriots

The self proclaimed "Koolaid" had a pretty interesting facebook account, which contained pictures of him with his Koolaid pendant on his necklace and his car with an image of the Koolaid man on the driver's side door. The profile also contained his favorite quotes, including "'bout time we got some construda in dis mothafucka" and the classic "ur begul shitting." WOW. Either way, I would dig up Mother Theresa and slap her in her cold, dead face in order to get a Patriots jersey (preferable the silver ones which were awesome) with "Koolaid 39" on the back.

This concludes the section on goofy ass jerseys that myself and about 15 other people in the United States would proudly wear.

My real top 5 are absolutely bad-ass jerseys that I feel most sports fans (I'll try to avoid too much of a New Englad bias) would kill for.

5. Michael Jordan - Chicago Bulls

This is a pretty basic jersey, but i'm looking for the red Bulls jersey from the mid-80's that said Chicago in cursive lettering. He wore this during some pretty classic dunk contests and this just isn't something that you see every day.

4. Wayne Gretzky - Edmonton Oilers

This is one of the greatest teams of the past few decades. Although I list Gretzky, I would easily replace him with Kurri, Fuhr, Coffey, or Messier. One of the sharpest looking jerseys is fitting for one of the greatest collections of players in recent history.

3. Joe Namath - New York Jets

This one is a two-parter. First, Joe Namath, in his day, was known for both his fantastic skills at quarterback and also his showmanship (Namath guaranteed a Super Bowl win, and not only won the game, but also the Super Bowl MVP). Second, "I wanna kiss you." This jersey can get you respect from some and will get a laugh out of many.

2. Roger Clemens - Boston Red Sox

Love him, hate him, I really don't care how you feel about him. He made his name as a member of the Red Sox. He was skinnier and less greedy in those days. He played through a changeover in jerseys, but I am going to go with the white with red lettering button-down jersey. This is the jersey Clemens wore during his first 20 K performance.

1. Vernon Davis - San Francisco 49ers

This is my list, not yours and that's why. The Big Vern red throwback from the Montana/Rice era. One of the best looking jerseys for one of the scariest players. Shown, stiff-arming AJ Hawk's face off.

Soberly Yours,

K-Rock