- Y'all It's gonna be awesome when my baby and I go to college together.
- Dang, there goes my shot with Tony Romo
- What's a Fallopian Tube? Is that like one of those ice cream rolls that sis gets me from Friendly's?
- Jesus told me that I need to turn my boyfriend not-gay, that's why I let him put his hoo-hoo in my cha-cha.
- Nobody told me that the antibiotics I was taking for my chlamidya and HPV would make my birth not work, y'all.
- One time Britney let me borrow one of her three kids for a weekend. Now she's only got two.
- The one time I don't take it in my butt, this happens...what's that all about y'all?
- My mother tried to push me down the stairs yesterday. What's the deal with that?
- Miss South Carolina is so smart. Did you know there was a South Africa?!
- My boyfriend has been punching me in the stomach lately. Usually he just hits me in m'face.
- Tell Chris Crocker to tell everyone to leave ME alone.
- Something about dualies pickup trucks drives me wild. 'Specially when they got those fake dog bawlls in back.
- Why do all boys with tribal tattoos have magic sperm?
- It's good that this happened early before my career was over y'all.
- The guy from Nickelodeon said I need to find a coat hanger and a bathtub real fast if I ever wanted to work again. Then everybody started to laugh and I didn't get it so I started laughin' too. Somebody tells me what that means so I can laugh for realsies.
- Praise Jesus.
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