The Sun UK is reporting that Britney Spears is threatening to release a lesbian sex tape starring Paris Hilton. Now, I'm the type of person who has seen maybe one too many pictures of both of these broads' snizzes. However, my main squeeze the Fridge thinks otherwise. You see, for as long as they have been on the television, Fridge has been enamored with everything that has to do with high-priced Hollywood whores.
R Von D: The people who read our little site should know that you are our connoisseur regarding porn and vaginas that look like stacks of deli meat. What do you look forward to most should this tape be released?
Fridge: The one man premiere party held here in my apartment. Candles, a dark screening room and silk pajamas. I'm good.
RVD: If you were a betting man, who came away with more new diseases after this little escapade?
Fridge: The mixture of their bodily fluids probably created a new superdisease known as "The Rage." This may or may not have been predicted by that movie 28 Days Later. Don't get it near your eyes or mouth.
R Von D: Say you are lucky enough to have been the meat in a Paris and Britney sandwich, who do you think would have the better performance? As a follow up, what would you have them do?
Fridge: They should fight to the death. Winner gets cocktails and dick.
R Von D: So you get the best of both worlds here: A porker who used to be the hottest girl in the world, and a girl who used to be the biggest whore on the planet trying to clean up her act. What is more appealing to you in this day and age? The fallen or the reinvented?
Fridge: I'm a big believer in redemption. But I feel like Paris is due to fall off the wagon into a sea of penis in the near future and I want to be coming in with the tide. (That's what she said.)
R Von D: Paris and Brit Brit are about to do the dirty-dirty. You get to see them use one food item on each other, what do you choose?
Fridge: Bucket of KFC. Paris needs a little meat on her bones and Britney gets grumpy when she consumes under 10,000 calories.
R Von D: If you had to title this movie, what would you call it?
Fridge: 'Two Girls, One Fridge"
R Von D: What advice would you give to any young Hollywood starlet who is thinking about shooting her own adult film?
Fridge: More "POV" shots.
R Von D: What is a POV shot?
Fridge: It's like first-person porn where you don't seen the dudes face and he doesn't say anything the whole time. It's much easier for me at that point to pretend it's me givin' it to Lohan or Barbara Walters.
R Von D: Barbara Walters, huh?
Fridge: Shut up, you fat idiot.
Joyous Yuletide,
Los Hermanos Fantasticos (Fridge and R Von D)
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