The R Von D Wedding Date Application!

For those of you who do not know my brother, Peeje the Steeje recently proposed to his longtime girlfriend. As we celebrated this past weekend with both families in attendance, my mother (once again) expressed her concern with the fact I could quite possibly be dateless to my brother's wedding. In order to make my mother happy as well as to ensure that I am not the first Best Man in history to attend a wedding sans date, I have come up with the following application. If you feel as though you have what it takes to hang with me on the ceremonies nuptials, please feel free to answer candidly the following questions. Or, if you're bored at work and would like to see if you are compatible with me for later consideration, please do not hesitate.

And now, the much anticipated R Von D wedding date application:


Name:

Age:

Gender:

Relationship status:

Height:

Body Type (underline one): Slim, athletic, voluptuous, curvy, skinny bitch, fat bitch

Short Answer (Easy difficulty)

1. What is your favorite condiment?



2. What time of day do you arise after a long night of drinking?



3. Briefly describe your family's lineage.



4. If you could remove one species of animal from the planet forever, which would you choose?



5. What do you typically wear to bed?



6. Does the thought of somebody else getting marred make you more or less inclined towards physical activity with your date? Why or why not?



7. If you could have any super power, which would you choose and why?



8. Other than for the purposes of this application, have you ever visited this website (www.pen15blog.blogspot.com)



9. Briefly describe your feelings regarding Dane Cook.



10. Are you doing this because you feel bad for me, or because you think I'm a stud?



Short Answer (Hard difficulty).


1. How often do you use the phrase "That's what she said?"



2. How many mixed drinks could you have before you cannot walk a straight line (circle one):
1

2

4

8

More than 8


3. If the older men in my family begin to make passes at you, how would you politely decline their advances.



4. Describe yourself to me in haiku form (if you don't know what a haiku is, you should stop answering questions now).



5. How many cocktails must you consume before forgetting the words to "The Wild Rover"



6. What, in your eyes, is the greatest piece of American cinema produced in the last 15 years?



7. What is the name of my hetero-lifemate?



8. Are you prepared to pretend as though you are my significant other for an evening in order to make me look better in the eyes of my extended family (this includes hand-holding, getting the third degree from aunts, occasional kissing et al.)



9. The wedding reception ends. How do you plan on spending the rest of your night?



10. If somebody told you that you could cure cancer, but you would have to kick a dog to death inside of five minutes in order to do it, would you do so?




DESCRIBE IN A BRIEF ESSAY THE WORST DATE YOU'VE EVER BEEN ON.
















IN AN ESSAY, EXPLAIN WHY YOU SHOULD BE CHOSEN FOR THIS DATE, AND GIVE DESCRIPTIONS REGARDING HOW YOU FORESEE THE NIGHT GOING FROM BEGINNING TO END.



















Please email completed application to penfifteenblog@gmail.com

R Von D