Decoding Your "C"

It has been a while since my last “live journal” entry. In spite of some typical chauvinists’ inane humor, I am told my contributions were “tolerated.” Therefore, I figured it was high time the men of the Pen 15 Club got a bit more insight into “the female mind” (and no that is NOT an oxymoron). In an effort to expose readers, and more importantly Fridge, K-Rock, and Ron Von Don to feminine wants and needs, I have listed 10 phrases below frequently utilized by women such as myself. Should the Pen 15 boys find themselves in a situation where they need to cover their ass...LISTEN UP.

1.) “FINE” – Women often utilize this word to end an argument. It means we are right and it is time for you to shut up.

2.) “NOTHING” – Men should realize that this word signifies the calm before the storm. Keep your antennae up and feign an understanding demeanor. Fights that start with “nothing” typically end with use of the word “fine.”

3.) “THAT’S OK” – One of the most dangerous words a female can use on her male counterpart. You can be assured that a woman is thinking long and hard about how she will make you pay in the near future.

4.) “FIVE MINUTES” – When getting ready, five minutes roughly translates to about a half hour. Note, however, that use of this phrase when a woman is waiting for a man to clean up after himself or finish watching sports actually means five minutes.

5.) “(Loud Sigh)” – Though a loud sigh is technically not a phrase, but nonverbal communication, it too is often misunderstood by the less fairer sex. A loud sigh means a woman thinks you are a moron. She wonders why she is wasting her valuable time on you.

6.) “GO AHEAD” – Warning: This is a dare. The word in no way indicates you have a woman’s permission or approval. Do not do it!!!

7.) “THANKS” – Listen carefully to a woman’s tone. This word is often used sarcastically when you boneheads once again let us down. However, there are rare occurrences when the word is thrown about sincerely. In any event, we are actually uttering our appreciation. Do not question it and just respond with a “you’re welcome.”

8.) “DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT” – Also a dangerous statement. Do not be misled. Usually a woman tells a man to do something at least 3-5 times, but is now forced to perform the task herself. A woman will harbor resentment leading a man to ask “what’s wrong.” For the answer to this question see #2.

9.) “NO” – Contrary to popular male beliefs “No” does not mean yes and yes does not always mean yes. Women are complicated flowers who often have complicated reasons for their statements. As soon as we want something or have an opinion to express, we will let you know.

10.) “WHATEVER” – The female “Fuck You.”

Learn it, love it, live it!!

“The C”