Ron Von Don took the liberty of informing the world that "Fridge heart Fat Britney" in his snoozefest blog about reality tv. Well it's true. I am madly in love with Britney Spears. I know she looked a little doughy at the VMA's and has had a "paunch" for the better part of the past 3 years. Let's be honest with ourselves for a minute though, she looks better than MOST of the ladies found on the Revue's Southern NH Chinese buffet karaoke bar circuit, and that's good enough for me. If Britney is to read any of this post, please get in touch with me at PENFIFTEENBLOG@GMAIL.COM and you can fly me out to LA for an introductory date at an all-you-care-to-eat buffet or at the local In N Out Burger. (I'll have the 4x4 Animal Style.)
I will now list all of the redeeming qualities of Britney Spears and reasons I would thoroughly enjoy being her husband:
1. She probably has the master tapes of Kevin Federline's POPOZAO song, and I could probably get ten grand for those on EBay (Ron Von Don + The Steege just might rob a bank in order to be the top bidders.)
2. She's already had kids, clearly she pokes. (So we cool.)
3. She apparently enjoys a cocktail every once in a while, as does el Fridgerino.
4. She rarely wears underwears.
5. At this point, her vocal skills would fit in at most of the karaoke bars that she and I would haunt.
6. Her bank account is larger than the Gross National Product of Uzbekistan, Turkmenistan and the United Arab Emirates combined.
7. I don't think she can pass "it" to me since she's already on Valtrex.
8. She can't dance very well anymore. So she won't be embarassed to see me attempt to full body dry heave every time "MY HUMPS" comes on when we're hitting top L.A. hot-spots.
9. She rolls with 50 Cent every once in a while. That = more free Vitamin Water for Sunday afternoon softball.
10. She definitely already owns and has the skills to operate a fryolator.
XOXO,
The Future Mr. Fridge Spears
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