A Frank and Honest Discussion With Fridge and The C

Fridge: C, I'd like to know why you've shut me down all those times I invited you to come down the hill for a late night visit?

The C: Fridge, you typically invite me down to your lair at around 2 am. Most of the time you can't even find your keys so I doubt you will be able to find my G spot.

The C: Fridge, I'd like to know why you consistently invite your male friends to sports outings, special events, etc.

Fridge: whatever C, I brought you to a wedding, and you just let me pass out sweating in your living room without even an giving me a chance at a late night rendezvous.

Fridge: that's the last time I bring you anywheres

Fridge: remember when you invited me to a semi formal dance at an unnamed college last year, then invited the little angry elf to ruin our date, unless you were going for a little menage action...which you know i'd be down with, i cant speak for the other half of this blog though

The C: Ron Von Don is the type of dude who'd be down for a lil finger cuffs and then smack you five right in the middle

Fridge: admit it, you'd love to go skiing (one pole in each hand) with the revue

The C: I think it would give me a better sense of who you both really are and whether or not you compensate for certain deficiencies if I could hit the slopes

The C: u know u'd both be sizing each other up

Fridge: if you had to take an educated guess

Fridge: who do you think could better fill your womanly needs

The C: well I don't need a soda can here...It doesn't really matter all that much as long as we aren't talking about the elusive pencil dick

The C: but an educated guess based upon hand size/height/general bravado/ethnicity would lead me to guess R Von D

Fridge: elusive? i've lived down the hill from you for twenty years. i'm not that elusive.

The C: I was talking more about the urban legend all girls hear...you go to hook up with a dude and start to get going and its like a pencil

Fridge: that's what i was talking about too.

Fridge: moving on....what was your highlight of this past summer?

The C: Good question Fridge...it would probably have to be R Von Ds birthday

Fridge: how could that possibly be better than my birthday?

The C: someone was so enamored with his new gf that he was forced to show up real late (we were told we were lucky he showed up at all), he stayed 10 minutes and then went home and passed a stone

Fridge: kidney stones are serious business you cunt

Fridge: my favorite part of the summer was after the Brothers McFat's Graduation Party

Fridge: we went to the Garden, you insulted RVD, then proceeded to run down main st with a twisted tea in your hand

The C: you are a mediator

The C: a problem solver if you will

Fridge: that's the second time in 2007 that you've nearly jumped into the nashua river off of that bridge

The C: Fridge

The C: hypothetically

The C: if you were my beau and I got appendicitis, how would you take care of me?

Fridge: we'd head right for the hospital, let the dorks who passed biology figure it out

Fridge: what else would you expect?

The C: would you come visit?

The C: I'd expect flowers, daily visits and tons of TLC

Fridge: i'd rub cocoa butter on your bed sores

The C: would u help me use the bedpan?

Fridge: only if you promised to never get a period again.

The C: don't you want kids?

Fridge: yes, i just want you to be the magic womb that doesnt have to purge once a month

Fridge: I've heard that lame "ragtime" excuse so many times in my life, I never want to hear it again.

Fridge: "Not tonight, it sucks to be a chick this time of the month."

Fridge: "Sorry, Auntie Flow is visiting."

The C: The odds are pretty good

The C: you only have about 75% chance of getting me on a day when Im not entertaining guests

Fridge: so Madame C, if we were to reproduce

Fridge: what would some of the pros and cons be about the genes, personality traits, etc that i would bring to the table

The C: Cons: Our child would have terrible bowel ailments, surely he or she would have a drinking problem and be cursed with a small penis. Additionally, whenever our little bundle of joy made "the window face" I would probably laugh so hard I would drop lil Fridge on his noggin.

The C: Pros: You could be a stay at home father, you probably wouldn't be repulsed when I gained weight around my ass, FUPA and jaw. I wouldn't feel too bad when I lose control of my bowels as you'd have deep empathy for me. Finally...we'd get to do it!!

Fridge: that kid would have the best drinking tolerance and worst taste in the opposite sex on this planet

The C: alright...dress our offspring in their favorite outfits: male and female

Fridge: seeing as my mother tortured me as a youth by making me wear overalls and suspenders on a daily basis, it's time to get back at her by subjecting the fruit of our collective loins to the same

The C: overalls and suspenders at the same time? Daddy likes

Fridge: i can picture a son of mine roaming the world wearing only 100% cotton all the time

Fridge: and a daughter of mine will be dressed head to toe like a devout Muslim, not showing one piece of flesh, because i have friends like ron von don who think dirty thoughts and friends like rboobs who act on dirty thoughts

The C: interesting choice

Fridge: i think some of the readers would like to know why you subject yourself to hanging out with the two main authors of the blog so much

The C: I highly doubt our readers are all that concerned, but I will try the best to make sense of my own insanity.

The C: 1.) I hang out with you Fridge because its usually convenient -- you live within 500 feet from my house when I go to my parents. We have mutual friends when Im at school, so you usually come and visit me. But most importantly, you are the opposite of a hangover...you don't come on quickly and you are gone usually by 8 am the next morning.

The C: 2.) I hang out with Ron Von Don because he is the master of the Internet. He has pretty much seen it all and hes the only person on my buddy list at ALL times of the day -- Im talking 8 am, 4:27 am, 5:30 pm...he sits on his computer and trolls the net.

The C: I know you can't speak for the Baron, but why do you hang out with me?

Fridge: 1. You make me feel stable.
2. You have a mustache.
3. You quote Caddyshack at the most inappropriate times.

The C: Oh wait...I have a real question

The C: one of my friends was orally pleasuring a male that she has had a crush on for quite some time...while in the midst of felating his member, he asked her to stop

The C: please tell me what this means

Fridge: she was probably using teeth

The C: that was a test....she was

Fridge: that is literally the most painful thing ever

The C: wrong

Fridge: fine child birth

The C: yes, but also ...I can guarantee that 85% of men have no idea what they are doing when they trying to orally please a woman

Fridge: i'm well aware of that, that's why i stay away

The C: completely? you gotta at least try or she will think you are selfish

Fridge: fine madame, i'll try next time we are together

The C: ok I want you to

Fridge: well i think we've given the reader enough of an idea of how our social interactions go. anything else you can think of that you want to let the loyal Pen15 reader know?

The C: IM SINGLE

The C: Love Ugly men who treat me bad

The C: and will take any interested men out to dinner. C's Treat.

Fridge: she's lying. I've been trying for years. I am wholly convinced that your purpose for living is to make me feel inadequate and unimportant. That's what a real C does.

The C: not true

The C: Im hurt

The C: u know I love u

Fridge: on that positive note, we'll end this discussion. we'll be debuting a new weekly column on the blog within the next few weeks. fridge and the C will be dishing advice on your troublesome love lives. feel free to hit us up with some questions at penfifteenblog@gmail.com