An Incomplete List of Shitty Music That Stupid People Like

Throughout my history as an adult human being, I have been labeled a number of things: Dick, asshole, Know-it-all Asshole, Movie Buff, and most notably Music Snob. In my life, I had the honor of being the son of a mid-to-late 70's Disc Jockey, and had a musical upbringing that should be envied by all of you. While you were listening to Raffy, Peter Paul and Mary, and other bullshit I was listening to Chicago, Supertramp, The Allman Brothers, The Police, The Beatles, and Stevie Wonder. So, to say I have a keener ear for good music than most is a phenomenal understatement. Still, on a daily basis I run into retards who think they know what good music should sound like. Here is a list of bands that you should stay away from if you ever want me to take you seriously.


1. RASCAL FLATS / KENNY CHESNEY
Now, if you know anything about me, you'll know that I'm VERY down on most country music. There is some good stuff out there, I'll be the first to admit that, but you will never hear these two "artists" in that category. As for Rascal Flats, I see them as the country equivalent to the Backstreet Boys and the front runners of the "cuntry" craze in this country. Last I checked, real cowboys don't frost their tips and wear affliction shirts OR make millions of dollars singing somebody else's songs. In the same vein, real cowboys don't sing about Pina Coladas, the beach, or flip flops. What happened to just singing about whiskey, guns, punching women in the mouth, and everything else that makes America awesome.

LISTEN TO THIS INSTEAD: Lucero, Shooter Jennings

2. BLINK 182
How are you going to go ga-ga over a band that the MEMBERS don't really want to be in? Travis Barker is pretty awesome and kicks the shit out of any drum set he touches. Tom DeLonge did some good solo work with Angels and Airwaves. And Mark Hoppus is just a silly goose. Seperate they are good, together it's just pop-punk garbage. You know why they sing songs about parents getting divorced and farts? Because that's what you buy, you dolt. Probably the worst reunion tour on the road right now. And for the record, any "punk" music that girls like is total fucking garbage. That's just industry standard. Just look at Green Day. That song "Know Your Enemy" might be the worst song I've ever heard.

LISTEN TO THIS INSTEAD: Turbonegro, Arctic Monkeys

3. JIMMY BUFFETT
Admittedly, I grew up listening to this and mildly enjoyed it. My father sings and plays guitar in bars and is always inundated with requests to play this stuff. Basically anything Kenny Chesney and Toby Keith do is a cheap imitation of Jimmy Buffett, except he was kind of the first one to do it. Also, it isn't really the music that gets me with Ol' Jim, it's the fans. I've never seen a bigger douchefest in my life than one of these shows. It seems to me that these concerts are just about showing up in beach gear and getting hammered. Which wouldn't be so bad, but why not just go to the beach and get hammered? Why does baby-boomer-folk-rock have to be involved? Couldn't you just put the two hundred bucks you spent on a concert ticket towards a cooler, some Miller Lites, and maybe an ounce of weed? For the record, this group is the same people who tell me with a straight face that Bob Dylan "puts on an AWESOME show, dude."

LISTEN TO THIS INSTEAD: Donavon Frankenreiter

4. U2
This is probably going to ruffle some feathers, and I made mention of this on my facebook page today, but you really need to wake up. U2's "Joshua Tree" was one of the best albums ever. Probably goes in my Top 10, but after the song "Mysterious Ways" off "Achtung Baby" they really haven't done anything. The issue I have with that is they've actually gotten worse as a band...SIGNIFICANTLY worse and so has their listeners. In that song "Vertigo" Bono actually counts in Spanish "1-2-3-14" and nobody said boo about it. You might say that it really doesn't matter, but I say it's an indication as you as a listener. It's one thing to suck in one language, but two? The world already has Ricky Martin, we don't need U2 doing shit like that. The point is though, that the worse U2 got, the more popular they've become. Now you can't get a ticket to this show, and I will bet dollars to donuts they don't play "Bullet The Blue Sky."

LISTEN TO THIS INSTEAD: Muse, Kings of Leon, The Kooks

So take it from your favorite music snob. There is always better music to be listening to, and you should seek it out with reckless abandon. It's the only thing that gets me through the day sometimes. Try it out, go on iTunes, spend about an hour and a half and check out the "Listeners Also Bought:" feature. About three clicks in and I bet you hear some awesome band you've never heard before and can probably see in a small club for ten dollars. Bottom line, smarten up, retard.

Squeedlie-deedlies and meedlie-meedlies,

RVonD

PS - if you don't have at least one entire "concept album" in your library, you're doing yourself a horrible disservice. So if you've never heard a Rush, Coheed and Cambria, or the first Mars Volta album "De-loused in the Comatorium", remedy this as soon as possible, you idiot.

"JESUS, NO!!": A Retrospective

For those of you not in the know, the Fridge sustained a horrifying ankle injury while playing slow-pitch softball the other day. On his way down to the ground after stepping on an irrigation hatch, the Large One exclaimed "Jesus, No!" Little did the Fridge know, but well before his arrival on this planet, this fateful phrase was used, throughout the annals of time, whenever the shit hit the proverbial fan. Some examples:

ENEMIES OF THE FRIDGE

There are a lot of people, places, and things out in this cruel world that I define as my enemies. I am a simple creature, and I rarely feel neutral about issues. I enjoy this because there is no “grey-area” for confusion in my life. The following is a list of just a select few of the things in the world that are out there to inhibit my progress toward that lofty, yet simple goal of happiness. Early returns of my 25 full years on earth indicate that eventually reaching this goal is doubtful.

ENEMY 1 - Humidity - I fucking hate it. I can stand heat. I really can. I hate that stupid phrase "it's not the heat, it's the humidity," because it's so stupid but true. I went to Phoenix in June two years ago and I (extremely) legitimately thought about never coming home. It was gorgeous and comfortable, yet my fears of flying, change and commitment probably will lead to me not leaving the Metro West suburbs of Boston until I'm deceased. I hate the way that my testicles spread out like bat wings and stick to the insides of my thighs on humid days. I hate the way I cannot stop sweating. I hate paying for air conditioning. I like the months of March and November. I also enjoy time spent in the Freezer aisle at the grocery store.

ENEMY 2 - Low Flush Capacity Toilets - I am a large man, with exquisite dining tastes and classy eating habits. However, to say I may gorge or overindulge on occassion would be also accurate. Too many members of the exclusive club called friends and family are currently living in homes that were constructed in the era just after World War 2. Funny enough, many landlords/homeowners have seen no need to purchase a new toilet since 1950. Don't they understand that the average fatso in America today is consuming a combination of protein shakes, cheap ale, burritos, steak tips and late night chinese food on a weekly basis? The shit monster from Dogma was the 4th roommate at my college apartment. I really have become a pro at plunging of late, though. Luckily, no incidents at the new residence. Yet. In turn, I have really been letting them fly at the office. The day I clog an industrial strength commercial toilet will be the day I light off firecrackers and throw a parade for myself. Yay Fridge!

ENEMY 3 - K-Rock - This stupid dick has been a pain in my ass since I was 2 years old and he was born. True story, when he was 2 and I was 4 he bit me square on the toucas and took out a chunk of flesh. Ever since then, he's basically always been better at sports and more athletic than I have. Whenever I am successful at anything, like having a job and money, he one ups me by winning a National Championship in a manly sport like rugby. In other news, I played tennis in high school. He hits home runs or flies out to left field every at bat during softball games. I generally ground out to the shortstop and then sulk. Luckily, he's a really lousy drunk and probably won't have any long term success or friends.

ENEMY 4 - Starbucks (Non) Rainbow Cookies - Simpleton. That's me. When I buy a cookie called "rainbow," I assume and have come to know from past experience that I am going to have red, blue, green, orange and brown M+M's. Recently, Starbucks started skimping on the first three colors and all of their cookies have been brown and orange M+M-laden. For some reason, these cookies have also been causing the runs . Maybe this is God's way of telling me I'm a fat mess and need to stop eating cookies and drinking lattes every day.

ENEMY 5 - Fenway Park - Tiniest fucking seats ever. Good to know that R Von D's Uncle "Jockey" and extended family are the only people in America that fit in the stupid place. I am not obese or ridiculously tall. I am probably an average sized white male. I cannot possibly be expected to sit in that shithole for a 4 inning game. Awful. If I ever hear the phrase "Lyric Little Bandbox" again, I'm going to hold Peter Gammons hostage. The urinals are trough style in some areas, with no barriers in between. Last time I was at a game it was in April and it was like 45 degrees out and raining. Shrinkage had occurred. But the gentleman using the facilities next to me had no problem looking down at my privates, laughing and barking out "I guess you could call that a dick" at me while I was trying to finish urinating. I went back to my seat in shame and paid $9.50 for another Natural Light disguised as Bud Light. Yum.

ENEMY 6 - Activities Requiring a Steady Hand - Driving, Texting, Pouring from a Pitcher in Public Places. "THIS IS MY NIGHTMARE!" I always make a fool of myself in front of everyone and my only retort is "K-Rock has it worse."

ENEMY 7 - Crowded Bathrooms - I get stage fright. That's my problem. I always try to go for the stall, if it's available. I am usually safe and can get the stream going in there. However, some of my bathroom companions might get confused by a gentleman of my stature taking a standy pee in a stall. I always fear the retribution and ridicule when I step back out through the stall door. Option two is to stand at a urinal for the normal 35-50 seconds, fake like I'm peeing and then walk back to my seat at the bar, restaurant or sporting contest I am attending. I don't want to let the other gents in the bathroom know that I have this horrible, embarassing problem. Even worse, I get back to my seat and I still have to pee like the dickens. I have no idea what my problem is. I was never violated by any authority figures in my life. I don't think I have abnormal bathroom activities compared to any other 26 year old men, though I do enjoy removing all my clothes and taking nice nudy poops on occasion.

ENEMY 8 - The Sun - Damn my pale complexion. I usually get a ridiculous, epic sunburns once a year where I have to bathe in Cocoa Butter and my skin itches for three days. The only known fixes for this are: -drinking a score of Miller Chills and sleeping in an air conditioned hotel room in Virginia Beach -wrapping oneself in swaddling clothes and laying in the den to watch movies and The View at the Dump Lounge -placing a plastic lawn chair in the shallow end of my parents' swimming pool and sitting in the chlorine for an entire day. I think Schonda Schilling is going to assassinate me.

ENEMY 9 - Standard Sized Hats - "Seven and three quarters" have got to be the most depressing four words ever spoken inside of a Lids. Oh, I'm sorry. Did I just ask you to check out a rash on my homeless friend's hamstrings to see if it is potentially communicable through toilet seats and bus stop benches? No. I asked you to move the ladder, climb three steps up, and tell me if the god damned Cincinatti Reds hat is available in my size or not. Frig off.

ENEMY 10 - Uncooperative Karaoke Audiences - I have not only been a victim to this personally, see Kelly Clarkson "Breakaway," but I have also seen two other occasions of horrifyingly unreceptive audiences to two great karaoke performances. RVD's sensual version of "I Need You Tonight" by INXS was met with crickets and whispers of "I wonder if he uses a noose when he pulls on it," by a Grand Buffet crowd one summer evening in Nashua. K-Rock's epic cover of "Magic Man' by Heart was met with boos and projectile vomit by the attendees of the Lea Family Graduation Extravaganza. Perhaps they didn't approve of a karaoke song that featured a seven minute guitar interlude. My major problem with uncooperative audiences is their ease of criticism. If you don't have the ballsac to get up in front of a few friends and a few dozen strangers and let your singing do your talking, then I think you should leave your critical priveleges at the front door. Besides, I'm there to entertain, and I don't take it too seriously...right. Taking it too seriously would involve driving from Exit 4 to Exit 7 in Nashua at 12:35 just because DJ Dougie Tazer might let you sing the last song to close the place down.

Other potential enemies included: President Obama's Assault on the American Dream and Taxpayer, and Predatory Annuity Sales Practices. I figured that my explanations for these would end up coming across in a sobering, conservative and serious tone and those blog entries are better left to my great friend R Von Angry.

With Liberty and Hatred for All,
The Fridge


BONUS ENEMY: Michael Bay Movies - I love to hate them. Transformers 2 was basically a flaming bag of turd. The worst part about Michael Bay movies is the fact that he finds a way to work green flares and slow sweeping low angle camera shots of the hero/heroine into every single movie. The best part about Michael Bay movies is that they usually involve an air conditioned movie theater on a hot summer day and a shitload of popcorn and explosions. And sometimes Megan Fox. I like the way she's put together.

Unoriginality in the "Film" Industry

A few Friday thoughts before your weekend. It's humid as shit again and my balls have been stuck to my leg for 2 days. Ugh. Lucky for you that isn't the topic of today's discussion.
There are too many Seth Rogen movies. I can't even keep them all straight. I'm the kind of douche who quotes movies (of all genres) every five minutes and annoys the crap out of everyone who hasn't seen the film being referenced.
That said, I can't remember for the life of me in which movie Seth Rogen compares the movies "Armaggedon and Deep Impact." Regardless, that quote got me thinking about how many times two movies have come out within a few months of each other and are basically the exact same thing. Here are a few thoughts on such films.


Dante's Peak and Volcano
1. Dante's Peak - James Bond and Sarah Connor save a small town in a red state from an exploding volcano. I think this and Mike Myers' Studio 54 played together on a double feature at a drive in where a mass suicide took place.
2. Volcano - Tommy Lee Jones saves Los Angeles from an underground volcano by using only his crusty old mind and jersey barriers. Little known fact, this movie was originally about ethnic cleansing and TLJ used the jersey barriers to divert the lava into Compton instead of into the Pacific Ocean. Apparently it didn't do well with test audiences.


National Treasure and Knowing
1. National Treasure - Nicholas Cage has a knack for figuring out secrets of American History through archaeology.
2. Knowing - Nicholas Cage has a knack for figuring out secrets of American History AND the future through mathematics. Rumor has it they filmed these movies at the same time, though neither archaeology nor mathematics can explain Nicholas Cage's haircut.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and Jack
1. CC of BB - Brad Pitt ages normally, starts as an old man.
2. Jack - Robin Williams ages extra fast, starts as a young boy.
(I realize these movies came out 15 years apart and really have nothing to do with one another, but something smells fishy here. Something ain't right. Someone ripped off someone. Luckily only one of these films had Robin Williams hairy ass knuckles. Ugh, another Seth Rogen reference. That guy is overexposed more than the Dropkick Murphys.)

Paul Blart and Observe and Report
1. Paul Blart: Mall Cop - The King of Queens rides a Segway, hijinks ensue.
2. Observe and Report - Old Friend Seth Rogen somehow gets Anna Faris away from stalking your humble author to film a 90 minute film that is the same thing as Paul Blart minus the Segway but plus an "R" Rating.

The Illusionist and The Prestige
1. Illusionist - Fight Club with Magic.
2. Prestige - Batman Begins with Magic.

Push and Jumper
1. Push - The Human Torch from Fantastic Four now has the ability to do the aadooooooken thing from Street Fighter. And someone made a whole movie out of it.
2. Jumper - Anakin Skywalker apparently has the ability to jump from one place on the planet to another whenever he feels like it. I bet RVD wished he could jump from his cubicle to the bathroom immediately and without effort, but unfortunately he can't and unfortunately this led to an "accident" and him having to trash a pair of undies at work. In other news, these two movies were the film equivalent of a pair of soiled underpants.

Any others I missed? Hit the comment section.

Have a sexy weekend,
Fridge Bo Bandy

RVonD's Worst (read "Best") Idol Performances From Around the World (UPDATE)

It's not secret to anybody who knows me that I'm a huge fan of American Idol. And, yes, I think Middle-America totally screwed Adam Lambert and I think Kris Allen will be homeless by the end of 2011, but I digress.

As much as I like American Idol, I also despise "America's Got Talent." It's basically American Idol with magic and no age limit. And if you say anything to me about the chicken catcher guy I'll fucking kill you. My father has been playing that Garth Brooks song in bars since I was a little kid, and he does it way better. Just because the guy is an unemployed farmhand doesn't make him the next Randy Travis. Maybe he should be looking for work instead of warbling on a stage with a cheap guitar.

Now, since I miss Idol so much, I would like to give you a retrospective of the best auditions I have ever seen from around the Idol world, not just American Idol. Please to enjoy, because everybody loves a spot of high-functioning autism in the morning:

5. William Hung - Yes old, yes played out, but I can remember EXACTLY where I was when I saw this and what drink came flying out of my nose. Totally set the stage for Idol reject fame.




4. "Ken Lee" - Now, I don't know who this broad is or where she comes from, but this is one of the funnier female performances I've seen.


3. German Death Metal Idol - A newcomer to the scene, I just saw this clip today. And yes, if I haven't seen it, it's new...for I have seen all internets. I love how hardass the kid is one minute, then panic-stricken and finally turning into a totally insecure puss-bag. I bet all black metal singers are like this.


2. This guy - Wow...



1. Ryan Hart - So, why is this my #1? Two reasons, one because the kid sucks. Two, because he obviously tried out for American Idol because he thought he was good and a hardass, and once rejected you can see that he puts up this front like I can totally hear him telling his friends that he "totally didn't give a shit and that it was just a joke. I mean, did you see their conformist faces? I totally freaked them out, maaaaaaaaaaaaaan." Then he went in his room and wrote in his "Nightmare before Christmas" journal about how nobody understands him and they'll all be sorry when he's dead. You're not "unique and different," you're just like the millions of other kids who think they're unique and different. Nobody is going to be sad when you're dead, and nobody is going to your funeral and cry, because nobody will be surprised. Get a job.




HONORABLE MENTIONS:

James Lewis - This was just awesome. I love when honest, kind, sincere people just get laughed at and shamed. Eddie Vedder? Really? And who the hell is Paul Robison? I seriously thought this kid was deaf when I heard him. He sounds like Marley Matlin on a record playing at the wrong speed.




Nick Zitzman - The kid's name is Nick Zitzman, and he's a software engineer from Utah. You get it...




UPDATE: One of our dear readers was good enough to pass this along to me. I think we have a new winner!!






Very much on key,

Ricky

Toilet Humor

An interesting thing happened at work today when I went to the restroom around 10:30 to urinate. To set the scene of this restroom, there are 2 sinks, 2 urinals, and then 3 stalls (1 handicapped.) My company leases space on all 4 floors of our building, however we do share the 4th floor with an IT consulting company. Therefore, we share the 4th floor restroom with the "other" company. A few of my coworkers and I have noticed several questionable items from the other company. First, at least a third of "The Others" walk with a limp. Second, another third do not wash their hands after using the john. Third, the last third have an inexplicable need to use the cell phone while in the shared restroom.

Today's incident involved your humble author and one of The Others' cell phone use. I waltzed into the restroom prepared to unleash a large batch of asparagus pee on the second urinal. Much to my chagrin, I was barely able to get the stream going before the sound of business conversation/negotiation was berating my ears from the middle stall. This goon was conducting legitimate business while sitting on the toilet. I am not above talking to K-Rock, RvD, my mother, or even Team Canada while I'm sitting on a private toilet. But even I wouldn't subject strangers in an office setting to listen to my stupid conversations. Especially given the fact that the content of my conversations on the phone these days mostly revolves around whether I'm bringing the correct brand of kitty litter home with me.

Back to the matter of the toilet talker, my evil mind immediately tried to go into hyper-drive trying to think of amusing ways to sabotage this prick's business phone call. If he wanted to disrupt my pee, I was going to find a way to cost him money, business success and most of all, some sense of lifelong happiness. Because of the stench of my own asparagus pee, my mind wasn't functioning at 100% though. I could only come up with two (admittedly weak) ideas.

First, I could let out a loud fart. I had one in queue too. The risk of farting and peeing at the same time while standing at a urinal should not be underestimated. The impact of a good fart can really cause urine to go in unforeseen directions. I know I've tried this on occassion and while I currently have a .600 average, this isn't slow pitch softball...we're talking about getting piss in inappropriate places and theoretically getting piss on me 4 out of 10 times is not kosher.

Second, I could say something inappropriate out loud. Our stone bathroom walls would surely reverberate the sound into his phone (probably bluetooth ear piece) and the party on the other end of the phone would hear my comment and cancel his/her end of the contract they were discussing. There was no one else in the bathroom except for me and Johnnie Deuce. The only thing that came to mind that would be equally inappropriate and amusing was to blurt out "...and that was the first time I got crabs." Pretty weak. Probably would have been raised an eyebrow on behalf of the shitter, but because I had so dissappointed myself, I didn't say anything.

I got back to my desk (after washing my hands) and shared my story with a few co-workers. Here is a quick list (in what I believe is ascending order of awesomeness) of things that I could have done to make the situation in the restroom much more amusing/awkward for our friend in Stall 2:

1. "The Freshman Dorm " - Douse a roll of TP in water and roll under the stall door and between his pant legs
2. "The STD" - Pose the following question out loud..."Does my foreskin still look infected?"
3. "The Jack Bauer" - Yell "I'll waterboard you until you give me the answer I want" and then loudly gurgle some water.
4. "The Wet Bandits" - Stick paper towels in the sinks and turn the faucets on high
5. "The Charley Baileygates" - Get into a fight with my imaginary alter ego and accidentally fall through the stall door
6. "The Noody Poop" - Very aggressively drop trousers and shirt in the stall next to the talking deucer and kick them off of feet.
7. "The Brokeback" - Utilize an iPhone and its' YouTube application, view a certain scene from a certain movie starring Jake Gyllenhall and Heath Ledger.
8. "The Spaulding Smails" - Roll a Snickers into his stall
9. "The Prostate like a Honeydew" - Consistent flushing every twenty seconds of urinal for a consecutive five minutes
10. "The Ray Charles" - Shut the bathroom lights off

Please leave your own ideas in the comments.

Au revoir,
Le Refridgerador

Who Do I Make the Check Out To?

I'm a blogger. It hurts me to say that, but I am what I am.

I say some things about famous people and "regular" people I don't like, and I'm told that at times my brand of funny can tickle the ribs of the two people who actually read this goddamn thing. But, blogging is a hobby, an outlet. Do I ever think I should get paid handsomely for this and somehow become a staple of popular culture? Well yeah, but it's not going to happen. So I would like to thank whatever the guys name is that finally clocked that insufferable asshole Perez Hilton.

I know I'm a little slow on this news story, but what I realized this morning on the shitter is that this fat mess is the embodiment of everything that is wrong with America.

Case in point. You can go on perezhilton.com and see every other story is about equality, gay rights, gay marriage, you get the idea. And then this guy has the balls to call a respected artist who mentioned he didn't appreciate being written about a "fucking faggot." It's great to see such a glaring case of bigotry from somebody who spends his waking hours fighting stereotypes and advocating for equal rights. It saddens me that this country has adopted the creed that a person doesn't want anybody to mention sexual orientation/race/gender/religious or political affiliation unless it directly benefits them in some way. This country has become so politically "correct" that we've actually gone the other way. For example, I find the term "African American" actually more offensive than the term "black." And if THAT offends you, then you're both an asshole AND an idiot. The fact that you think that ALL black people come from Africa just shows what a sheltered prick you are. Read a book. Nobody calls me a "European American," because that would be dumb right? Case closed.

Let's toy with this idea for a second: Why do I have the right to say what I just said. The all too often cited "Freedom of Speech" notion that we all cling to like a fat kids mesh shorts to his inner-thighs. What we as people fail to realize is that this freedom we all celebrate is, and forever will be, a two-way street. Above all other things I consider myself a political moderate. Some see it as me just not picking sides and refusing to play for one team or the other. I see it as being a true believer in the democratic system. You vote for and back the person you think will do the best job. End of story, plain and simple. That being said, my core value system is also something of a hybrid. Now, I'm all for gay marriage, equal rights for all CITIZENS and the like, but I also recognize that people don't believe in what I believe in, and I respect that.

Take Mr. Perez Hilton for instance. We can go on and on about gay marriage and rights and whatever we want to, but we also have to allow for the flip side of things. I'm not asking you to agree with everything, I'm not pleading with you to see where they are coming from, but if you can shoot your ignorant fucking mouth off about one thing, you better be ready to back it up. You can't just draw cocks on peoples faces and put cartoon jizz all over them and expect nobody to have a problem with it. You can't ask a question about gay marriage during the Miss America pageant and get all pissy when you don't get the answer you wanted to hear (you all saw that right)? If there is one thing I've wanted to drive home ever since I started writing on this goddamn page is that there is two sides to everything, and that for once, has to be at least acknowledged by people. As mentioned prior, this isn't a plea to understand why some people hate gays, blacks, hispanics, asians, catholics, republicans, whatever. This is a call to understand that we're all fucked up, we all don't like some things, and fucking get over yourself and enjoy the fruits of your parents labor, because none of us work hard anymore, and that sickens me. Ignorance is failing to recognize something outside of your own mindset, plain and simple, and I am tired of that word being used for people who simply don't agree with what you're saying.

In closing, I hope this isn't the last time this happens. It's a wake-up call, a call to arms for people who simply aren't going to lay down for what I'm going to call passive-aggressive fascism here. I don't agree with you, I don't like you, and if you say anything that is an attack on me, I'm going to punch you, with deadly accuracy mind you, right in your fucking mouth. But for now, keep making money by calling fifteen-year-old girls whores and sluts on your website. You're a real beacon of hope for us all, you fat prick.

Praise His name,
R Von Dexter