In keeping with the overall theme of my nickname and attitude towards
life, I give you my top 5 gripes of the week. Just a few little things
that are really chapping my bottom this week.
1. Tagging on Facebook. There is nothing more invasive, annoying and
inconsiderate than receiving an email alerting me that someone has
"tagged 50 photos of you" on facebook. Here's the thing, sure we had a
great time last weekend. Yes, I'm glad you took pictures so we'll
never forget it. But what gave you the idea I wanted everyone I went
to high school and college with, met at a bar that one time, made out
with two years ago, or currently work with to know what I did, who I
was with, and the poor decisions I made? Is it really necessary? Are
you that desperate for attention? Do you have a life? Are you just
dying for people to see on their news feed that you've posted pictures?
Grow up. Get a life. You're dumb.
2. PT Cruisers. What retard decided that designing a turn of the
century"gansta" car would be a good idea? Do you see the people who
drive these things? Holy smokes. Yeah guy, you're looking real tough
in your purple PT Cruiser. Your vanity license plate it killer too,
how long did it take you to come up with "GNGSTR?"
3. Recycling. Now I realize green is in, but come on. I got an email
from HR today saying that a "concerned staffer noticed plastic bottles
piling up in the trash" and that drastic measures will be taken to
resolve the issue. Drastic measures? What are you going to do, have a
trash monitor? Are we in 3rd grade, we can't handle throwing our own
trash away? And who takes the time to take an inventory of what's in
the trash at work? Looks like someone needs a little extra work to do
instead of poking around the receptacle. Maybe you should just quit
and start working for Greenpeace, I heard they need a few extra hands.
Weirdo hippy.
4. Movie rental late fees. They no longer exist. This sounds like a
good thing to the common person, but a true movie lover knows this is
poison. There are 3 movies that I'm dying to see. Michael Clayton,
American Gangster, and Jesse James. I've gone to Blockbuster on 3
different occasions over a week and every time I go the outcome is the
same, NO FREAKING MOVIES. How can this be? How can a movie rental
store, that's what they do, provide movies for rent and return, not
have ONE copy of any of the hottest titles out right now? I'll tell
you how, people are not being punished for failing to abide by the due
date. This is ludacris. Did you get in trouble if you passed in a term
paper late? Yes. Did your parents ground you if you were late for
curfew? Yes. I certainly get a ticket every time I forget to fill the
parking meter. Then why shouldn't you be punished for not returning a
movie on time?? I know it's sitting on your coffee table. You watched
it once, your done. You could have had it in the next day, but no.
Instead you're punishing me. I hate you.
5. Buffet Restaurants. Now I understand this is a sensitive subject,
especially for our two original authors, but I gotta get this off my
chest. These have to be the most disgusting places on earth. I have an
idea, let's semi cook food and leave it out for hours then charge
people $30 a head to eat as much as they can. Sounds like a plan to
me. Oh wait, let's make sure we pack it in with people who have NO
respect for personal space. Everyone all up in each other's nut, yeah
that sounds good. Little kids running around your ankles grabbing at
food. Arms reaching across you chest like savages who have never
tasted food before. That'll be great. It'll be a hit. People will love
it.
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