It's not secret to anybody who knows me that I'm a huge fan of American Idol. And, yes, I think Middle-America totally screwed Adam Lambert and I think Kris Allen will be homeless by the end of 2011, but I digress.
As much as I like American Idol, I also despise "America's Got Talent." It's basically American Idol with magic and no age limit. And if you say anything to me about the chicken catcher guy I'll fucking kill you. My father has been playing that Garth Brooks song in bars since I was a little kid, and he does it way better. Just because the guy is an unemployed farmhand doesn't make him the next Randy Travis. Maybe he should be looking for work instead of warbling on a stage with a cheap guitar.
Now, since I miss Idol so much, I would like to give you a retrospective of the best auditions I have ever seen from around the Idol world, not just American Idol. Please to enjoy, because everybody loves a spot of high-functioning autism in the morning:
5. William Hung - Yes old, yes played out, but I can remember EXACTLY where I was when I saw this and what drink came flying out of my nose. Totally set the stage for Idol reject fame.
4. "Ken Lee" - Now, I don't know who this broad is or where she comes from, but this is one of the funnier female performances I've seen.
3. German Death Metal Idol - A newcomer to the scene, I just saw this clip today. And yes, if I haven't seen it, it's new...for I have seen all internets. I love how hardass the kid is one minute, then panic-stricken and finally turning into a totally insecure puss-bag. I bet all black metal singers are like this.
2. This guy - Wow...
1. Ryan Hart - So, why is this my #1? Two reasons, one because the kid sucks. Two, because he obviously tried out for American Idol because he thought he was good and a hardass, and once rejected you can see that he puts up this front like I can totally hear him telling his friends that he "totally didn't give a shit and that it was just a joke. I mean, did you see their conformist faces? I totally freaked them out, maaaaaaaaaaaaaan." Then he went in his room and wrote in his "Nightmare before Christmas" journal about how nobody understands him and they'll all be sorry when he's dead. You're not "unique and different," you're just like the millions of other kids who think they're unique and different. Nobody is going to be sad when you're dead, and nobody is going to your funeral and cry, because nobody will be surprised. Get a job.
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
James Lewis - This was just awesome. I love when honest, kind, sincere people just get laughed at and shamed. Eddie Vedder? Really? And who the hell is Paul Robison? I seriously thought this kid was deaf when I heard him. He sounds like Marley Matlin on a record playing at the wrong speed.
Nick Zitzman - The kid's name is Nick Zitzman, and he's a software engineer from Utah. You get it...
UPDATE: One of our dear readers was good enough to pass this along to me. I think we have a new winner!!
Very much on key,
Ricky
1 comment:
Don't you ever badmouth Kris Allen again. EVER!
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