The Hangover Cure: An American Necessity

Sitting here on "The greatest Sunday in the history of Sundays," RvD and I have had a little discussion on hangovers. Most notably, the fact that I have not had one either of the past two Sundays. As the weather has become more "Big-Bob Friendly" according to Fussy Joe, I've noticed my enjoyment of drinking increasing. Last Saturday was the end of Josephest, and I started drinking delicious Busch Lights at around 1:30. I watched Demolition Man, Talladega Nights and played about three hours of Rock Band....all before the sun went down. We went to a karaoke bar in the evening, and around approximately hour 15 of drinking a new karaoke experience was born. My evil twin, Joe's buddy Orlando, apparently has the same taste for Budweiser fueled singing in front of a room of strange folks. R Von D, Fridge and Orlando karaoke will henceforth be known as DFO Speedwagon. RVD and I did several shots to celebrate how good we were at singing. I drank for about 12.5 hours and really thought I was doomed on Sunday morning. Woke up around 10AM and felt like $1,000,001. I actually felt GOOD.

Anywho, yesterday I walked to a local BBQ celebrating the end of my work's softball team season. I brought a 12 pack with me, figuring this would be an easy kind of night that I would only need 12 beers for and then I'd come home around midnight. Instead, I finished my backpack of beers by 10 and started drinking from the keg. I convinced 3 of my coworker pals that it would be a good idea to sneak out of the party and head down to a local watering hole. At this point I had consumed around 16 beers total, I believe. Once arriving at the Skellig, we ran into RvD and Fussy Joe. RVD and I had a heated exchange with some personal insults being hurled towards one another. (He forgot to take his crazy pills and I was being hurtful and intoxicated.) He pushed me and I accidentally bumped into a woman of small stature.

Bouncer (to Ryan): "You need to go now."
Baron Von D (to Bouncer): "I know."

Joe and I had a good chuckle at Von D's expense and thought about how much he must have been fuming on that lonely walk home. We did a celebratory shot. This put me at (best estimate) 18 beers and 2 shots as my total consumption for the evening. I took a cab to my ladyfriend's house after leaving The Skellig and slept there (I'm sure she was thrilled with my decision to show up at 1:30am smelling like stale beer and bbq food.) I didn't want Ron Von Don smothering me in my sleep. I woke up at 8:30 this morning without even a hint of a headache. I was as amazed as you are, loyal reader. I had two orange cream popsicles for breakfast and had ladyfriend stop at Starbucks so I could get some caffeine into my system.

The moral of these stories is that I for some reason have recently become completely immune to hangovers. Everybody has their own! I generally don't value anyone's opinion but my own. Today, we'll be exploring some of my close pals' own personal hangover cures.

1. MKenn
-1/2 tin of Grizzly Straight
-Rye and Ginger
-The Outdoors
-Black People Music

2. R von D
-Gatorade
-Video Games
-Anna's Taqueria
-Acute Anxiety Medication
-Being left alone

3. Duchess von D
-Pizza
-Advil

4. Gregoire
-5 mile run or 25 mile bike ride

5. Ladyfriend
-As much ice cold non-fat milk as humanly possible

6. Fussy Joe
-"The Grease"

For the longest time, I was the hangover king of the world. I used to feel so horrible after an evening of tough drinking that I would make the people around me suffer too. Even if they were strangers that I walked by in a gas station. My hangover cures used to depend on the situation I was in. If I was on a long car ride home from Connecticut or Plymouth I would usually get at least one Monster Energy Drink and put my window down regardless of the weather. Fresh air was the key component. I would rather freeze my tits off and end up with a chapped face than be overhung when I got home to my parents house and had to face their disappointment, disgust, and shame. Back in those good old days when I used to get hangovers and I didn't have a long drive ahead of me, I used to retreat to my bedroom, watch at least 2 Star Wars movies, drink gallons of water and try to overdose on multi-vitamins.

Bottom line is that we all clearly are borderline problem drinkers in that we've had enough opportunities to develop our own personal cures for hangovers. I suggest you all either copy my lifestyle exactly so that you no longer have those rough mornings or enroll in "the program" to get your life straight.

Dig,
Fridge III, Esq

Random Thoughts by K-Rock

Seeing as the two elder statesmen of the Pen15 Club are gone for the remainder of the week and into the weekend, i'm going to be holding this down for a while. Today marks the end of my month of detox. I did OK. From July 8th until August 7th, I had a grand total of 6 beers and they were all for good occasions (Golf, Friend returning from basic training, Beastie Boys concert). I learned that not drinking is for jerks and lesbians and I plan on never doing it again. I did have a thought when I woke up yesterday morning to find out that Barry Bonds hit #756. Maybe I need a month away from sports. Anyone who knows me realizes that basically what I do on a nightly basis revolves around sports, whether it be playing or watching them. Should I go to a bar? Only if they have a TV and i'll be able to watch the Sox game. Of course there is no way I could stop watching sports, but I feel like if there is any time to do it, its now.


I have been watching sports for as long as I can remember and one thing I pride myself on is not being a "homer." At the age of 7, I was about as big a San Antonio Spurs fan you could find outside of those who live in Texas. I liked this team for one reason only, David Robinson. Robinson is as classy (a word which is through around very liberaly today) of a player as you can find throughout the history of the NBA, and all of professional sports for that matter. The 7 footer won championships, MVP's, went to All-Star games, and was generally a fantastic all-around, team player. Given his credentials, I would kill to sit down with him for five minutes and discuss his opinions on "makin it rain", dog fighting, gambling on basketball, and automatic weapons. I'm not going to sit here and say I have modeled my life after his, but I certainly have never put a pit bull on a rape stand.

KARAOKE. Despite a distinct lack of Fridge and R Von D this upcoming weekend, a karaoke blow out at the buffet is in the works. I'm not completely versed in the art of karaoke yet, but I am working my way there. This weekend should be a good chance to strut my stuff. What I'm really trying to say is, show up at Grand Buffet this Friday night if you wanna see a show.

CALM DOWN. Those are my words to Boston Red Sox fans. Only in this city would people be shitting themselves about a 6 game lead in the division in August. I understand where people are coming from that they were up double digits for a while and this is the smallest the lead has been since early May, but you have to look at the facts. The Red Sox have a substantial number of games left against the D-Rays and a plethora of other shit teams, while the next month for the Yankees is the most difficult part of their schedule. Granted, they have been very hot, but they have been beating up on teams with Gil Meche as their number one starter. I never guarantee anything, but just calm the fuck down.

CHAMPIONS. In conclusion, I would like to inform the Revue that despite their many second place finishes, the Canadian Hunters were able to take the trivia crown last night at Peddlar's. It took a lot of training and hard work, but some day you guys will be able to touch us.

VICTORY!!!
- K-Rock -