Under-Reported News Topics of the Past 15 Years

Good evening friend,

I was thinking recently about how far down the standard of greatness in journalism has fallen. Woody Paige and Jay Mariotti are the type of sportswriter that the American newspaper has to offer? Yuck. Is Keith Olbermann or Sean Hannity remotely qualified to guide the public discourse on politics? Blah.

"The News" has become a business instead of something to truly interest us of late. And I believe that in the process, some of the following stories have gone under-reported. I had originally prepared a gentlemanly even list of 5 topics, but as I've deprived the world of my glorious thoughts for several months, I figured I'd even give you a bonus item! EN-JOY!

1. Terrell Owens Really Tried to Kill Himself

This superstar athlete overdosed on a lethal dose of a prescription painkilling medication. I know if I had a bottle of something called "Hydrocodone" that I wouldn't treat them like they were M+Ms. We all remember his redemption story two weeks later and his publicist bragging about the size of Terrell's "contract." But somehow the fact that one of the biggest names in sports actually was so sad that he tried to end it all went away quickly, which makes me sad. I believe the word is schadenfraude.

2. George Steinbrenner Directly Financed the Hit on Nancy Kerrigan

In the mid 1990s, apparently Big Stein developed an interest in the US Olympic program. He donated some money to some of the lesser and unsponsored talents in events like swimming and ice skating. One of the young porn stars/athletes to whom George gave money was Tonya Harding. Ergo, George Steinbrenner paid for the pipe that Gilooley used to smash up the knee of Massachusetts' own Nancy Kerrigan. Perhaps Nancy wore a Sox hat to skating practice one day and George was unpleased with this.

3. Richard Jewell Did Not Bomb the 1996 Atlanta Olympics

In fact, this portly recluse was a volunteer during the Olympics and probably saved lives. He was not guilty of anything other than warning people to move away from what he suspected was a backpack not full of books. So no, that face that was all over the news for six months and kinda looked like a fat Kevin Youkilis did not try to ruin the Summer Games.

4. K-Rock is a National Champion of College Athletics

Local Rugby team in Plymouth, NH competed in and won the Division III National Championship in the Spring of 2008. Local celebrities K-Rock and Hambone were contributing and senior members of this team. How this was not national news is beyond the Pen 15 Club's belief.

5. Nomar Garciaparra was NOT Implicated in the Mitchell Report:

(see above photo)

6. "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" Was the Number One Movie in America for TWO Consecutive Weeks

Interesting to see how far the cinematic standard has fallen in this country that this turd could rule the box office for not one but two weeks. I guess the movie industry might as well just give up to the Buzzsaw that is Kevin James.

Fear not loyal reader. In the coming weeks and months, I will be re-dedicated to providing you with reading to distract you from your dull lives.

Please think of the environment and print 50 copies of this blog post and douse them all with gasoline and set on fire in a crowded and already polluted South American city slum while driving a gas-guzzling SUV and not recycling your Poland Springs water bottle.

XOXO

The Fridge