"There are these things called shark attacks, but there is no such thing as a shark attack. I have never seen a real shark attack. I know you’re making a weird face as you’re reading this. OK people, a shark attack is not what we see on TV and what people portray it as. We’re humans. We live on land. Sharks live in water. So if you’re swimming in the water and a shark bites you, that’s called trespassing. That is called trespassing. That is not a shark attack. A shark attack is if you’re chilling at home, sitting on your couch, and a shark comes in and bites you; now that’s a shark attack. Now, if you’re chilling in the water, that is called invasion of space. So I have never heard of a shark attack. When I see on the news where it’s like, 'There have been 10 shark attacks,' I’m like, 'Hey, for real?! They’re just running around? Sharks are walking now, huh! We live on the land, we don’t live underwater.' "
If we are going by Arenas' rules, most of us commit many misdemeanors each summer when we travel to the tattoo infested land known as Hampton Beach. I think that yesterday when I came across this, it was easily the hardest I have laughed since someone tried to describe R Von D as being "youthful" and "with the times." Agent Zero, stick to writing about charity events you are being forced to attend and how you plan on scoring 150 points in one game next season, you're very rude.
- K-Rock -
