Roon Voon Doon and I have decided that the justice system in the world today has gone haywire. The punishment no longer fits the crime. Having seen on Court TV that a Saudi Arabian woman was given 200 lashes and 6 months in prison for being in the company of men in public, we decided that it's time to offer up our own system of justice. The following crimes befit the following punishments:
1. Shoplifting - 30 Minutes of Indian Sunburn on your favored arm
2. Drug Possession - A stern talking to from your grandmother
3. Public Intoxication - Must go shot for shot with K-Rock for an entire weekend at Plymouth State University
4. Beastiality - Have to watch your mother get undressed and dressed again
5. Kiddie Porn - Forced to re-enact 2 Girls, 1 Cup with Rosie O'Donnell
6. Unpaid Parking Tickets - Unexpected noogie priveleges for your entire group of friends
7. Unpaid Child Support - Must stare at naked pictures of Meryl Streep for 3 years
8. Counterfeit Money - You're only allowed to get with unhappy, controlling women the rest of your life (aka the RBoosk Law.) Also, can no longer eat at Haagen-Dazs.
9. Sex with 17 Year Old
a) Male Adult on Minor Male: Death
b) Female Adult on Minor Female: $600 Gift Certificate to Best Buy (must only be used in Videocamera section)
c) Female Adult on Minor Male: High-Five and a Lottery Ticket (must split winnings on lotto ticket with police)
d) Male Adult on Minor Female: Pizza Party
10. Retransmitting a Major League Baseball Game without the Expressed Written Consent of Major League Baseball Commissioner's Office - Code Red (see: A Few Good Men)
Thank you for your time,
Los Hermanos Fantasticos
