Fridge's Brain Diarrhea

I'm here to follow up Senor Von D's Brain Droppings with some Brain Diarrhea. I just have a lot of feelings (inside Mean Girls joke.)

-I read a statistic on the internet today, so it must be true. 73 current National Football League players have a DUI on their driving record. I think the only industries where this ratio is higher are probably the Arena Football League or MBTA operators.
-Has anyone else noticed that all of the music that MLB Network uses during their commercials or highlight packages is that weird pop-rock music that probably started on WBCN but ended up on Kiss 108? Blink 182. Taking Back Sunday. The Offspring. Sum 41. The Ataris. All-American Rejects. You get the idea.
-Speaking of music, I still like the Paris Hilton epic ballad "Stars are Blind." Seriously. Listen to this song and pretend it isn't sung by Paris Hilton and I bet you'll enjoy it. That or watch the music video and have the knowledge that you and I scab it up to the same material. Wink.
-People like Cal Ripken, Lance Armstrong, Jon Lester and Zack Greinke are probably inspirational to most people. They just make me feel bad about myself.
-Every evening on Baseball Tonight, I have to hear about the "unwritten rules" of Major League Baseball whenever someone gets hit by a pitch. I wonder if anyone else at my place of employment ever thinks about the "unwritten rules" of the office. Here's a quick rundown: do not take standy pees in the stalls, do not bring up my karaoke in front of management types, do not view my facebook pictures at your desk during working business hours, don't steal my parking space even if you are there before me, don't steal my activia digestive assistance yogurt out of the refridgerator, and certainly do not point out my carbon footprint to coworkers when i am printing off 15 pages from si.com to take to the bathroom with me for quality time.
-I think Google Latitude might be (at the same time) the single greatest and worst innovation of the new millenium. The fact that I can track my tech-conscious friends' movements through their Blackberry phones and a simple web application makes me so happy. However, the possibility that some douche from a ritzy Metro West suburb will now be caught on his (previously secret) bi-annual shemale fiesta to southeast Asia when he says he is at Red Sox Spring Training should really lead to some interesting life conversations between husband and wife.
-My mini-review of Terminator Salvation: The film equivalent of getting a lapdance from a talkative but wildly attractive stripper who has a speech impediment. If you somehow snuck ear plugs into the "session," you are going to leave happy. But if you are forced to listen to what they have to say, it probably was 5 hours' pay poorly spent.

Enjoy,
Der Fridgessar


PS - RvD and I will be bringing our updated Bucket Lists to the masses of our readership within the next few weeks. Keep your eyes and private parts peeled.

2 Girls, 1 Fridge

The Sun UK is reporting that Britney Spears is threatening to release a lesbian sex tape starring Paris Hilton. Now, I'm the type of person who has seen maybe one too many pictures of both of these broads' snizzes. However, my main squeeze the Fridge thinks otherwise. You see, for as long as they have been on the television, Fridge has been enamored with everything that has to do with high-priced Hollywood whores.

R Von D: The people who read our little site should know that you are our connoisseur regarding porn and vaginas that look like stacks of deli meat. What do you look forward to most should this tape be released?

Fridge: The one man premiere party held here in my apartment. Candles, a dark screening room and silk pajamas. I'm good.

RVD: If you were a betting man, who came away with more new diseases after this little escapade?

Fridge: The mixture of their bodily fluids probably created a new superdisease known as "The Rage." This may or may not have been predicted by that movie 28 Days Later. Don't get it near your eyes or mouth.

R Von D: Say you are lucky enough to have been the meat in a Paris and Britney sandwich, who do you think would have the better performance? As a follow up, what would you have them do?

Fridge: They should fight to the death. Winner gets cocktails and dick.

R Von D: So you get the best of both worlds here: A porker who used to be the hottest girl in the world, and a girl who used to be the biggest whore on the planet trying to clean up her act. What is more appealing to you in this day and age? The fallen or the reinvented?

Fridge: I'm a big believer in redemption. But I feel like Paris is due to fall off the wagon into a sea of penis in the near future and I want to be coming in with the tide. (That's what she said.)

R Von D: Paris and Brit Brit are about to do the dirty-dirty. You get to see them use one food item on each other, what do you choose?

Fridge: Bucket of KFC. Paris needs a little meat on her bones and Britney gets grumpy when she consumes under 10,000 calories.

R Von D: If you had to title this movie, what would you call it?

Fridge: 'Two Girls, One Fridge"

R Von D: What advice would you give to any young Hollywood starlet who is thinking about shooting her own adult film?

Fridge: More "POV" shots.

R Von D: What is a POV shot?

Fridge: It's like first-person porn where you don't seen the dudes face and he doesn't say anything the whole time. It's much easier for me at that point to pretend it's me givin' it to Lohan or Barbara Walters.

R Von D: Barbara Walters, huh?

Fridge: Shut up, you fat idiot.


Joyous Yuletide,
Los Hermanos Fantasticos (Fridge and R Von D)