In my 24 years on Earth, I've spent a lot of time enjoying movies, soda and popcorn. This probably led to two things, horrifying acne and a solid streak of years not knowing the touch of a female. Those issues are here nor there, because all that time spent gave me a dearth (real word?) of knowledge about movie characters. What follows is a list of my favorite 15 movie character names of all time.
1. Al Czervik - Caddyshack
Dangerfield at his best raising hell and harassing Judge Smails, hanging out with Wang, calling out crummy chefs, making fun of Spaulding, dancing like a queen and demolishing the Flying Wasp. Bonus points added for his last name sounding like cervix and being challenging to pronounce.2. Rod Farva - Super Troopers
This is a classic fat, obnoxious, clueless white man name. Rod does a good job being chubby, having small genitals and being lathered in powdered sugar.3. Charlie Babbitt - Rain Man
As much as this Pen15Club has a strong distaste for Tom Cruise, the sound of hearing a mentally challenged Dustin Hoffman repeat this name 400 times in a 2 hour span causes a twinkle in our collective eye.4. Jesus Quintana - The Big Lebowski
Cmon. Nobody fucks with him.5. Stanley Goodspeed - The Rock
This begins the "Nicholas Cage Run," challenging only the "Fantasy-Football Draft Run on Tight Ends" for Run Superiority. Goodspeed, godspeed, Godspell, whatever.
6. Memphis Raines - Gone in 60 Seconds
This character name clearly should not have been assigned to a white skinny man who lost his skill at stealing cars.7. Castor Troy - Face/Off
Ron Von Don could write an essay describing why the attempted symbolism of this name does not work, but let's be honest, nobody cares about the Classics because it's 2007 and we have internet porn instead.8. Cameron Poe - Con-Air
"Why couldn't you put the bunny in the box?" Why couldn't you save that poor prison guard from being molested by Johnny23? This name sounds more like a pitcher for the Texas Rangers. Oh, wait. Kameron Loe.
9. Booby Miles - Friday Night Lights
If y'all want to win, y'all need to let Booby spin. Clearly the best name in the history of film for a running back.
10. Billy Batts - Goodfellas
Maybe it's his hairdo, maybe it's the fact that he survives this movie for about 15 minutes too long, but all in all, yelling "BATTS" with an Italian accent is one of the Pen15Club's oldest and most treasured hobbies. Do not get "fresh" with Batts. Do shine his shoes if he asks.
11. Trent "Double Down" Walker - Swingers
So money, you don't even know it.
12. Winston Zeddemore, Egon Spangler - Ghostbusters, Ghostbusters II
These names are so ridiculous that they win one spot. Winston wears black jeans that are 2 sizes too tight and Egon is convinced women are interested in his epididymis.
13. Kent "Flounder" Dorfman - Animal House
This nickname is like the Mendoza line that all other nicknames have to surpass in terms of perfection.
14. Chester "Chazz" Darby - Airheads
If you haven't seen this movie since you were 12, don't go searching for it. I guarantee you the Adam Sandler pee pee jokes aren't funny anymore, and Steve Buscemi plays Steve Buscemi. Michael "Kramer" Richards crawling through a vent like he's being chased out of The Laugh Factory is the only redeeming quality for this film.
15. "Steamin" Willie Beamen - Any Given Sunday
"My name is Willie, Willie Beaman.
I keep the ladies, Creamin.
And all my fans, Got me screamin.
Think you can defeat me? Your dreamin"
Please add your own favorite movie character names in the comments. Come see the Revue Friday night.
Warm and Friendly Regards,
El Fridgerino
