Hey Asia, WTF?!

I'm an American, I think that in our time writing on this site, we have made that perfectly clear. And since I was born a United States citizen, I have a few inherited characteristics. I am good at eating food, playing video games, and beating people up.

Many of you have read my expose on the oddities of Indian culture (dots, not feathers), and I wanted to follow that up with a journey to the far east. Like I said, being an American comes with certain traits, but for the life of me, I can't figure Asian people out. Whether Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Thai, or anything else, it never ceases to amaze me how good these people are at the most useless things. Takeru Kobayashi ate 17.7 pounds of cow brains in 15 minutes. Who the hell would even think to attempt something like that. There was a kid I taught when I was teaching at a summer school who couldn't speak a word of english but could do the most miraculous things with a bic pen. Here are some more examples on just how asinine these talents are. Just watch these and think of the amount of practice any of this shit took, and how much time you could save by simply not doing them. Having said that, I know that typically Asians are much more efficient than us Americans, and probably mastered these skills in 1/3 the time it would take me, but that's still way too much.

5. Contact Juggling: All I picture is how cool I thought David Bowie was in the movie "Labyrinth" only to find out that he wasn't ACTUALLY doing this. Unreal.


4. Beatboxing: Here I am thinking this is as American as apple pie. Little did I know some Japanese kid named Daichi comes along and does something like this. Whatever to this kid. I bet he sucks at football.


3. Folding Laundry: Come on...


2. Getting undressed: I actually did this the first time my fiancee asked if I wanted to have sex. She wasn't impressed, but then again I'm not Asian.


1. Whatever the hell this is: Again, this serves no purpose whatsoever but I want to learn how to do it. Also, I just want to have a slew of Asian girls follow me around just so when I do stupid stuff they can giggle like the girls in this video.

Asian Chick's Awesome Hand Ninja - Watch more Funny Videos


Fuckin' people,
R Von D